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Taste Of Love [Part 3]

Thursday, November 23, 2000 2:31:49 AM(+9:00GMT)

Hidoko Matsumoto
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Disclaimer: Disclaimers in part one apply in part three.
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"What… Idiot! Get back here!" Sakura yelled, tackling Yuki to the ground as soon as they reached the living room. They landed in a tangle of limbs, laughing, and Yuki threw the 'thing' to Tetsu.

"Don't let him get it, Tetsu!!"

"Give it to me, or your Yukihiro shall die!" Sakura threatened, sitting on top of Yuki.

"Stop that! You're squashing me!"

"Well, give it back!"

"No! Don't!" Yuki protested, struggling feebly under Sakura's weight.

"What's this?" Tetsu asked, as he unraveled the piece of cloth in his hand, to reveal boxers with Hello Kitty on it. He stifled his laughter, and handed it back to Sakura.

Seeing Tetsu's expression, Sakura smiled, satisfied, and took it back, before getting off Yuki. "I'll let you go this time, skinny banana!"

"What!" Yuki turned a bright shade of red, and waved his fist at the wrestler, who stuck his tongue out playfully.

"Told you not to wear yellow!" Sakura teased, slinging the Hello Kitty boxers over his shoulder, and strolled towards the showers.

"At least I don't have the girlish streak to wear Hello Kitty on me!" Yuki rebutted, dashing behind Tetsu when he saw Sakura's mock-dangerous look. Sakura advanced, eyes narrowed, and beamed when he saw Tetsu smiling.

"Well, I'll let you go this time, skinny banana."

"Hello Kitty freak!" Yuki poked his head from behind Tetsu's shoulder, and stuck his tongue back out at Sakura, who shrugged and turned away. Yuki plopped onto the sofa beside Tetsu when he saw that the 'threat' was gone, grinning happily.

Tetsu's smile changed from that of an amused one to a gently sad one, and he looked in front blankly.

"Tetsu…" There was no way they could have cheered Tetsu up, Yuki realized. There was no way Tetsu would have smiled happily right then…… Even their little rows didn't work. He suspected that Tetsu knew their efforts, for he saw Tetsu smile gratuitously at him, yet resumed his silent moping.

"Yuki…." Tetsu finally said, when he looked up. "Am I really dumb?"

"Why are you asking…." Yuki replied, wanting to reach out and touch Tetsu, but not doing so. Tetsu continued sitting a distance away from him… So much unlike the posture of a couple.

"That…. I……" He couldn't speak any longer, and buried his face in his hands. Yuki finally reached out to grasp those shaking shoulders, to comfort him, to pull him close.

Finally, Tetsu looked up, making Yuki let go. He wore a smile, but still Yuki suspected that Tetsu who had already been hurt… Couldn't love anymore. Tetsu stood up, his long skirt flowing as he went down the living room, towards the kitchen. Yuki liked the feel of him in a long skirt; it seemed to spread a lovely feeling throughout the entire house. He was glad that when Sakura had returned home earlier, he had remembered to bring Tetsu's clothes as well.

Sakura… Sakura had put in as much effort as he did trying to cheer Tetsu up……

Suddenly, it struck him that how Tetsu felt towards him was probably how he felt towards Sakura.

It was something like a friendship, but there was more towards it. It was a sort of fondness, a dependence, knowing that the other one would be the shelter which he could hide in. When his thoughts reached there, it began to ache…

Sakura didn't love him the way that he loved Tetsu, at least Sakura wasn't hurting….

But….

He saw Tetsu come out with a broom in hand, and started sweeping the floor. Obliged, he stood up. "Let me help you."

"No…" Tetsu shook his head. "I can manage."

Awkwardly, Yuki nodded, and sat back onto the couch, watching as Tetsu bustled around, his consciousness lost in his own thoughts…

He would heal all of Tetsu's wound if he could… But….. How could he?

Loving Tetsu hurt.

But loving Tetsu while knowing he could do nothing for him hurt more.

That was the most painful part of all….

***

It felt like a dream. Maybe it was a dream…. He almost gasped when his eyes had opened, and he tried to move. Moaning slightly in pain, he looked down at himself and saw his own wounds, looking unsightly with their clotted blood. His body was stained, and so were the sheets. Everything seemed to be red against white.

It couldn't have been a dream. The blood was the evidence…

"Hyde…… .." He murmured, climbing up despite himself. The world spun, and someone propped him up before he fell.

"Don't move," Said the figure gently. "I haven't any disinfectant here, so you should take a bath first and rest."

"Miss Hyde……." He turned his head, to catch a glimpse of the figure's face. "I love you…."

"I know," Hyde replied, smiling sadly. It was only then that Shimamoto could grasp the glimpse of sadness in those eyes…. .Why couldn't he have earlier?

"…I'll be your whore if you want to," He murmured, letting himself rest against Hyde's frame. He wanted to hold him, but he was scared that if he did, he would annoy Hyde. "Just tell me what to do… I'll do it…..."

"Forget it…" Hyde said, laying Shimamoto down again, only to have him grip his hand tightly. "You need to rest."

"Please, Hyde…."

Shimamoto wasn't calling him with his usual 'Miss' anymore. Hyde was probably feeling kind when he said that, for he was always so cold and distant, "All right… You're my slave."

Gratefully, he smiled, closing his eyes, and whispered, "Should I call you master?"

"Whatever you want…."

"Can I call you by your name?" He felt too lowly to be able to call Hyde by his name. Still, he wanted to, so much… He wanted to pull this distant figure closer, simply by calling his name. If only he could make Hyde forget about Tetsu, all about him……

"Go ahead… ..What's your first name, Shimamoto? I only know your surname…" Hyde was finally asking. Hyde finally knew to ask……. He knew was succeeding, step by step. Still, why did he seem so sad?

"I don't have any…"

"Just Shimamoto?"

He shook his head, smiling. "Yes…"

"Then, I'll call you Sera."

Hyde was giving him a name…? It felt like an angel had blessed him… Without moving, he murmured it, and grinned, feeling pleased. As he watched Hyde, he knew Hyde was looking at him. He saw that Hyde's face wasn't masked by the normal coldness now; he seemed to feel very perplexed.

"Hyde, I love you." He reached out with only his declaration, for no matter how many times he had said it, it would never be enough. He couldn't restrict himself any longer….

"Sera…"

***

Shimamoto didn't come back that night. Tetsu felt like crying, yet he couldn't cry in front of Yuki and Sakura… He knew they would feel sad if he did. He knew they would be troubled if he did, and he had already brought them enough troubles. The two's antics earlier in the day had amused him, but at the same time, it made him feel worse. No matter what they did, it was as if he would never be able to heal…

Doing chores didn't help. They occupied his mind, but they also reminded him of the time when he used to do it for Hyde….

Cooking didn't help. All of a sudden, instead of the plain white kitchen, he would be standing in a more luxurious one, wearing only an apron, with Hyde holding him close from behind as he washed the vegetables.

Even bathing hadn't helped. It reminded him that even when Hyde wanted to torture him, he would have bathed him… .It was as if he had been so precious that Hyde would do even that for him….

That cold, and unreachable Hyde, who would only have what he wanted…

Then he cried. All of a sudden, strength seemed to slip out of him as he stood under the shower, as the gentle sprays of water refreshingly poured on him… He remembered how those warm hands would touch him, and hold him…. He leaned against the wall, sobs shaking his body as he let himself slide down it.

Why couldn't he forget? Why must he remember?

But he wasn't with Yuki or Sakura right then. He was alone, all alone….. It didn't matter if he cried.

Finally, he rubbed his eyes, and stood back up. He wasn't sure how long it had been, but Yuki had yelled at him once to see if he was okay. It must have been a long time.

Why had the resolve been so strong when Hyde was around, but now it was so weak? Why……?

He cleaned himself lifelessly, and finally rejoined Yuki and Sakura in the living room.

"Tetsu, you were taking so long," Yuki remarked, as he chewed on the stick of Pocky between his lips.

"Yeah, Yuki was worried that you were washed down the drain," Sakura smirked, and Yuki kicked him in the shin.

"Was not! I was afraid that he had fallen down and fainted or something," Yuki protested.

"That's because he has had that experience once. Really, see? He's so skinny he could have been washed down the basin." Sakura provoked another kick, and Tetsu laughed quietly.

"Do you want? Strawberry Pocky." Yuki was as red as a tomato, as he picked up a box and handed it to Tetsu.

Tetsu shook his head apologetically, smiling. "No… I'm not hungry."

"Just eat it, we need to fatten you up," Sakura knocked Tetsu's head slightly, extracting a glare from Yuki. "What, no one hurts your Tetsu?"

"What's wrong with being skinny?" Yuki made a face.

"Skinny people starve to death easily in a stuck elevator," Sakura replied, laughing at Yuki's defiant expression. "There should be a Fattening Federation. A world of junk food!"

The three of them laughed heartily, and settled down to the snacks. It was way past nine pm, but Shimamoto still hadn't returned….

That night, as usual, Yuki held him as he fell asleep.

Still, that night, he had fallen asleep trying to smile, trying to remember the puns which Sakura and Yuki pulled. Instead, all he did was cry, and cry, in such desolate loneliness even though he was inside Yuki's embrace……

***

His eyes shot open as soon as he felt something flicker within him. He lay there, dazed for a moment, only to find that he had fallen asleep, beside a familiar blonde figure…..

He blinked hard, and sighed gently when he remembered that it was Shimamoto… .No, Sera.

The sheets which were once red were then a coppery brown….. As he looked at Sera's body, it seemed as if Sera would just dissipate and disappear.. ..He was indeed pretty; his eyelashes were long, and framed those large pearly eyes gently. He looked somewhat delicate, though defiant….

It reminded him of himself, when he was younger.

Even younger than when he had met Tetsu…. It had been a long time ago, hadn't it? Probably, ten years or so.

He could hardly remember her face, and neither did he remember how he felt, exactly. All he remembered was agonized cries as he tried to hold her hand in vain, and a strange mixture of liquid pooled from her legs….. She had been sent to the hospital. He hadn't expected much. She'd survived, but something inside her was dead.

He was young, then. He hadn't known how to feel. Anything but anguished, because he had already lost his family. She and the child was all he had.

She left him, after all.

Tsubomi's people had looked for him, and found her instead. He had been only one of the tiny shrimps in Kokuryu—back then all of them were tiny shrimps. They were a growing power, and Tsubomi always fought with Kokuryu simply because they 'didn't like their way of dressing'. Power was one of the reasons, another was honor.

He had been sent to kill one of the leaders of Tsubomi, and he had succeeded…

In exchange of power and honor was a dead child and a lost girlfriend.

It was a matter of time that she would have left him, anyway. She had been older than he was; he was a mere fourteen…. A mere teenager who knew nothing, who was barely grown.

After that incident, he allowed his hair to grow long. They'd curled naturally in waves once they did. It was also at that time that he put on make up, and donned a dress…. Then he was possibly the most beautiful person whom he himself had ever seen. He was the only person whom he loved.

He didn't know he would meet Tetsu four years later….. In those four years, he had worked hard, he had slept his way up the ladder with the past leader of Kokuryu. People who despised him were gotten rid of. When the leader died, he fought with others for the seat. He won. The clan had grown, and with the seat came the power. Tsubomi was still struggling back then, and the largest clan dissipated a year later after he met Tetsu.

It had been easy to remember, because after that year, he had moved with Tetsu to the city.

He didn't know why he was so attached to that sad, frail person…. He had at first intended to play with him a little and then throw him away. He tried to convince himself that he had been trying to do that, when he finally woke up once he was at the city—it was a world of evil which he lived in.

Tetsu would leave him one day anyway. If he was ever going to leave, he might as well hurt him….

Since when did the sadistic streak kick in, he didn't know. It was probably because Tetsu had forgiven him no matter how many nights he was alone; Hyde hadn't bothered hiding his other lovers. He grew higher, higher, and gradually untouchable to everyone…..

If Tetsu was going to leave him, he might as well hurt him, before he himself could be hurt…..

Why had he believed that Tetsu wouldn't leave him? Why had he driven him away with his own hands?

He missed him….

He knew he won't be alone, not when Sera was there. Still, he couldn't help feeling perplexed. Why had he so willingly shed his own blood…. When he had simply said something he didn't mean, to drive him away?

Somehow, he understood the reason.

Nobody chose Hyde, Hyde chose what he wanted.

Maybe he should have just kept Sera with him……

Sera, Sekai no ra…

He always liked that name. It should have been his child's name………………..

Suddenly, fragments of the dream started to enter his mind. He remembered, along with the pain of remembrance of his past…. The pain of that dream, the pain of the reality's mirror.

He couldn't remember what it was, exactly….

He remembered Tetsu's silhouette as he ran away from him…. He remembered trying to grasp Tetsu's fingers with his own hands, but no matter how he reached out, he couldn't touch Tetsu; not even vaguely. He couldn't remember what else…. Except that he felt like he would have done anything to keep Tetsu.

Shedding his own blood, giving up his own life… Even killing Tetsu…….

Oh yes, in the dream, there had been one more scene.

Inside, Tetsu was back in the house with him… ..He knew vividly that it was a scene from his own memory, brought to surface by the dream.

He remembered it clearly, because it was one of their important promises… He remembered all promises which he and Tetsu made and kept them locked in his heart, never wanting to look at them again.

The dream…

The two of them had laughed.

Then the scene had faded off to when Tetsu had gotten the tattoo, when Hyde finally put away the needle after hours of concentration, sweat beading down his forehead. Tetsu had been crying, because it hurt. Hyde had soothed him, both with words and kisses, and held him close. He had known how much it hurt for Tetsu, because he had gotten Kokuryu's emblem.

*** (uhm… I think both of them use "watashi"…^^ nee…)

This time, Sera followed him around. Sera wasn't the sort to wear skirts, unlike Tetsu, and he had worn a long, black jacket with nothing inside, exposing his scarred chest.

He still couldn't forget Tetsu's smile, he still couldn't forget the feeling of trying to reach for Tetsu, only to find that his fingers grasped nothing…. ..It scared him, somehow, even though he would never admit that he had been scared.

Him, Hyde, leader of Kokuryu, hurting for just one person.

Sera somehow seemed to have sensed it, for he tried to distract Hyde whenever he found Hyde gazing off into a distance, but it didn't help. He was starting to be fond of Sera, but Sera never could replace Tetsu….. …… .

He loved Tetsu.

The fact seemed to have stuck into his mind, onto his heart, and no matter how he tried to wipe that feeling away, he could not….. .

He loved Tetsu so much, but he didn't love Sera.

Perhaps that was why…. …it had hurt so much for him. Knowing that Tetsu was somewhere in the world smiling, laughing, cooking, doing whatever it was that he used to be doing for Hyde…. It didn't help. Tetsu had said that he hated him. When he had said that, he had only been scared for a moment.

Now, he was all alone, and quivering, like a leaf in the wind, with no Tetsu for him to hold.

He was going to meet the people whom he had appointed to search for Tetsu later. He had made Sera go out; he didn't want any distractions. He loved Tetsu, Tetsu had been his and he would never let Tetsu go… He was determined.

It made Sera sad, he knew. He didn't care that much about it.

A talk with them revealed that they had barged into Sakura's house and found no one; nothing. Some of the men had waited there, others went about searching, but no one had any success…..

At the precise moment, Ken had come striding in.

Hyde made his men get out, and called Sera to come back in.

"This is Shimamoto Sera," He introduced, and Ken gave him a smile, before sitting in front of Hyde, the usual seat which he took.

"Your new bodyguard?" Ken puffed, and smirked up at the young man whose eyes had followed Ken's movements cautiously.

"No, my new slave," Hyde murmured.

"I heard you lost your favorite pet," Ken started, and snuffed his cigarette out onto the ash tray, blowing out the last of the smoke. "I've come to see how you are."

"How do you know that?" Hyde demanded, his brows furrowed.

"Have you forgotten my wine?" He simply waited.

"Sera will serve it to you," Hyde didn't do what he had usually done, anymore. He simply sat there and glared at Ken, while Sera went towards the counter.

"Getting a slave to serve me?" Ken smiled. "Like all other bosses, am I not?"

"……..You're not my friend, Ken, until you tell me why do you know so much," Hyde's eyes narrowed. "We promised not to fight each other when the both of us had stepped up onto our seats."

"I did, Miss Hyde…. I did, and I'll never break my promise." Ken's eyes seemed to study the ash tray calmly, as if it had been interesting. "But I just want to know how my friend's doing. Besides, isn't Tetsu a lovely boy?"

"What are you trying to do?!" Hyde suddenly leapt towards Ken, hoisting him by his collar with a brute force so unlike his body frame. His voice was dangerous, as he pulled out a gun, pointing it directly at Ken's temple. "Are you trying to taunt me? Or are you trying to keep me down?"

"Relax… Tetsu isn't with me," Ken spoke without the slightest bit of uneasiness.

"You aren't—" Hyde had spoken, when suddenly, something burst through the glass window, shattering it. Light seemed to glimmer in all directions as the shards fell through, and in almost the exact same moment, Hyde fell down, his white gown dyed with a burst of red.

"Miss…Hyde?!" Ken exclaimed, and Sera dropped his tray, to sprint towards the fallen figure. Ken stood there, stunned, then ran over towards the window, to see someone running away from the roof of a nearby building. Hurriedly, he turned back towards Hyde, and yelled to Sera, "Don't move him!"

"What….." The poor blonde's eyes were filled with shock and horror. "What happened…?!"

"Don't move him… Call the ambulance… Hurry!" With that, Ken immediately knelt down beside Hyde's body, to see that he had lapsed into a state of unconsciousness. A wound was apparent near his collarbone. He had been shot from the back…. The world seemed to spin when he realized that Hyde was bleeding profusely, and his face a sickly pale. "Tell them to prepare! We'll send Hyde there…!"

Sera had slammed down the phone as soon as he had called, and in hurried tones, finished his conversation. "I… What happened…?!"

"He's shot," Ken murmured under his breath, as he pulled out a handkerchief and started dabbing at Hyde's wound. Carefully, yet quickly, he hoisted Hyde up in his arms, and carried him towards the elevator as fast as he could go. Sera followed, darting in front of Ken to flag the elevator.

As soon as they got in, the wait seemed to be forever, until the frozen time was burst by the light flooding in through the open door. They dashed out, towards the car park; it was then that reality seemed to swirl. Hyde's bodyguards had charged towards Ken and Sera, but Sera had reassured them that Ken was no enemy, and they helped to unlock the car with haste.

Sera sat with Hyde at the back seat, and he clutched Hyde's hand uncontrollably, as if he had been afraid of losing him. Ken drove away; the sound of engines seemed to hasten the mood further. The guards had gotten into another car and followed them, but it wasn't the time to care about that. Buildings raced by, cars raced by, people raced by, all without meaning, until they finally reached the destined hospital.

There, the nurses and the doctors rushed in a flurry, and soon all they knew was that they were sitting in the waiting room……

Time passed, this time, with a feeling of its presence, slowly yet quickly, because of its danger and the meaning it might bring…..

***

The phone rang.

It rang once, twice, and would have gone on forever if Tetsu had not picked the receiver up, halting it.

"Hello?" He greeted, sounding as cheerful as possible. It was late morning, nearing noon. Sakura and Yuki had made it enjoyable for him; too enjoyable. They had switched back to playing poker, and Tetsu set about doing the household chores.

Their noises had been loud, and he almost couldn't hear the other's voice. "….Tetsu…….?"

It ended abruptly, leaving Tetsu standing there in shock, as he gently put down the receiver.

"Nee, Tetsu, who was it?" Yuki chirped, and his face was weighed down with a worried expression as soon as he saw Tetsu's face. "What's wrong…?"

"No, nothing's wrong," He sat down beside the two of them.

"But….."

"If it's Hyde, let me speak to him," Sakura spoke, his eyes glinting.

"It wasn't Hyde," Tetsu replied, looking away.

"If there's anything wrong—"

"There's nothing wrong, Sakura…"

"Tetsu…. We'll protect you," Yuki's face showed that he was serious. "If anyone wants to hurt you… We'll protect you."

"No one wants to hurt me, Yuki… I'm fine," Tetsu smiled, as if to show that, and got ready to stand up again. "Do you want cookies and cocoa?"

"Sounds good," Sakura grinned, patting him on the shoulder.

"I'll help," Yuki volunteered, getting up. He reached out for Tetsu to take his hand, and Tetsu obliged.

"Wait, does that mean I have to clear up the cards?" Sakura's mouth formed an 'O' shape as he spoke, and Yuki stuck his tongue out at him. Sakura laughed, and shrugged. "All right! I won't bother you lovebirds. Shoo! Off to the kitchen!"

The two of them blushed for a slight moment. Yuki turned, and smiled shyly at Tetsu, before pulling him towards the counter. Tetsu couldn't help smiling as well, but it had only been a mere moment, as he faced Yuki.

The voice just now… It seemed so familiar….. It hadn't been Hyde's, or Shimamoto's. Who could it be…? He didn't know, but he felt that he had definitely heard it somewhere before….

It was unsettling.

He finally pulled himself out of the daze, as he filled the mugs with hot water. Yuki and Sakura… They said that they would protect him, and he knew they would…

***

The sound of plastic gently put down against plastic seemed to mark the end of a dreadful speech. Ken almost heaved a sigh, but it didn't lighten his heart's load that Tetsu was unaware of everything…. .When he turned around and glared at Sera, Sera adverted his gaze.

"You're as sneaky as I am…… Huh…?" A corner of Ken's lip twitched upwards, as he walked towards the smaller blonde, who stared away into a wall.

"How did you know…."

"Like you… I love Hyde." He smiled when he saw the look of realization on Sera's face. "I love Hyde so much that I would never let him be hurt. I wanted to watch over him… I wanted to make sure that his beloved will be alive……. Didn't think of that, did you? No?"

"…You……" Sera was almost speechless, when he finally burst into a weak smile. "We'd get along well. You're as crazy as I am…"

"…..Maybe," Ken murmured as he fingered the collar of his own coat. Even though the hospital was well-ventilated, it was starting to feel hot…. Why hasn't Hyde come out yet….? Oh, it had only been a few minutes……Damned idiot, always making me worry……….

He hadn't expected to hear such cheerful noises at Sera's home. A happy sounding Tetsu, some happy voices…. So much unlike the present situation. He almost wanted to laugh, and tell Hyde that he wasn't as invincible as he'd have liked to think he was…. He could only do it in his mind's eye, picture Hyde's fury in his mind's eye, but he could never have said it out loud.

So, that was the feeling he had towards Hyde…

That vulnerable little creature who thought he was a god. Quite rightly so, given someone of his beauty and his intelligence, and shrewdness… Yet, this imp never knew, or wanted to admit, how easily hurt he had been; hiding under his own shell and using it to break others.

When they first met….

"Friends."

Of course…. Hyde had changed. With time, everyone changed. Hyde turned into the beautiful demon he was…. But that was after Kokuryu became the strongest. Hyde had helped Ken step up, but Tsubomi had stumbled along the way and it hadn't been as strong as Kokuryu was.

Ken remembered spending time with Hyde long before Kokuryu became the strongest. They had been friends…

After he'd gained control of Tsubomi, he wanted to maintain it that way.

All along.

He'd hired a private detective who also happened to be Hyde's private eye at the same time, to keep a tab on Hyde's activities. He knew where Hyde was, and what he was doing. He liked it that way, knowing that he was in charge, and knowing that he could protect Hyde whenever he wanted to.

Seeing Hyde change hadn't changed him.

Seeing Tetsu cry hadn't changed him either.

He knew all along, things were bound to change. Even when Hyde had started treating him like an enemy instead of a friend, he'd accepted the fact easily as if it was rightly so.

All he wanted was for Hyde to be fine….. ……………

Sometimes, he would brood. Brooding made things clear, and brooding revealed a part of him which he didn't like to admit.

He loved Hyde. And it hurt.

Seeing Tetsu cry made him realize that.

He wanted to intervene with Tetsu's and Hyde's affairs at times, but he never did… It wasn't his right to do it.

He wanted to remain the guardian angel he was, to watch over them silently. He could only have done that……. Hyde would never have let him; the quarrel which occurred right after Ken had rescued Hyde and Tetsu made it apparent. He'd sidled his way out of it, but it still hurt. Yet he still continued…….

If anything happened to Hyde then, he wouldn't have known what to do.

Hyde was inside the hospital, in the emergency room… ..And Ken hadn't even been able to tell Hyde's most important person about it.

Why couldn't he bring himself to……?

Somewhere deep inside, he already knew the answer. The voices which sounded in the other side of the phone was what he had always longed for all along….

Sneaking a glance at Sera revealed an exhausted face which was apparently fighting sleep.

Time did slip by, after all… .

One moment it was afternoon. Another, it was sunset. If he lapsed into his inner mind once more, it would soon be night…….

It had been so long that the two of them sat beside each other, unmoving, in silence…. . In the grave silence which awaited the grand moment of truth…………..

He wanted to laugh at the thought of the sight of themselves who sat there like worn-out idiots.

Still… .

He knew who shot Hyde. He knew the person who did it; he was from Tsubomi.

He needed to know why…. ..Why had that happened.

Mercilessly, time tortured him with every second. Mercifully, time passed by, and soon it was midnight.

The "emergency" light finally turned off, and that was the only difference.

Looking at Sera, he knew that both of their prayers had been answered…. Hyde, their goddess, was alive.

*** (I wasn't about to write this via ken's pov… But I took the easy way out. Gomen ne.^^;)

If time was said to be comparative to a deer, then the weeks that passed by were deers being chased by cheetahs. They dashed by, they halted, they ran backwards, in their own flurry and style. Time didn't seem to matter, because it could no longer be measured with mere human means.

In this time, Tetsu was happy. He was smiling; he was really happy with Yuki and Sakura.

In this time, Yuki was happy. He loved Tetsu, and they were finally together.

In this time, Sakura was happy, because Yuki was happy.

In this time, Hyde was relieved, because Sera was there to comfort him.

In this time, Sera was relieved, because Hyde was there in his arms, even if he wasn't loved.

In this time, Ken was relieved, because Hyde was still alive and he had Sera to take care of him.

In the midst of the nights, Tetsu continued to shake; continued to grace the lovely moonlight with the dewdrops of tears on his cheeks and continued to suffer in his thoughts of Hyde.

In the midst of bliss, Yuki knew something about Tetsu's pain. He didn't touch Tetsu even if he wanted to, because he loved Tetsu so much. He knew Tetsu was hurting, and he didn't wish to taint that part of his pain with his own caresses.

In the midst of faked cheerfulness, Sakura knew Yuki's love for Tetsu, and he knew Tetsu's pain. The two saddened him doubly, because he knew they didn't truly belong even if they fitted perfectly.

In the midst of temporary relief from that sea of emptiness which seemed to drown him, Hyde felt nothing in Sera's presence, only because there would be nothing as precious as Tetsu's to him.

In the midst of care, Sera felt nothing in his concern towards Hyde, even though he loved him so much. There would be no cure for Hyde's pain; there would be no distraction for the longing in Hyde's heart, even if he was there.

In the midst of protective fulfillment, Ken knew, even if he was there, there was nothing which he could do, for both Hyde and Tetsu.

Genuine care, genuine laughter, genuine love, genuine embraces…

Empty care, faked laughter, empty love, faked smiles…

Time ran helter-skelter across the pages of their lives, in a mist of confusion, dying it red and blue and black accordingly to the formulas of each individual's books.

***

Feelings were heartfelt, but sometimes, evasion never failed.

When evasion was the last resort… It usually always failed.

Because it would always flood back, no matter who the person is, to haunt that person, and to torture him.

That was reality, even if it was the leader of Kokuryu.

The same familiar room where Sera was christened his name, and the same familiar feelings of insane love seemed to seep even through the walls into the atmosphere below. The walls were a pure, untainted white, as were the furnishing of that room. There was a few newer furniture; two chairs, a small table, and a new closet in addition to the set of drawers and the canopy bed.

Even though the color was a pure white, the atmosphere below was a sad, depressing, grayish blue.

A tiny voice sounded in that shroud. A tiny, but despairing voice. "……Tetsu… where is he?"

"No, Hyde…" It had happened before, and it happened again.

—Hyde had forgotten the present, and had awoken to the past. "…I don't know who the hell you are, and… Tetsu… He's gone again…? Is it because I slept with you?"

"Hyde, I'm Sera," He chose to tell him; chose to try and bring Hyde back. It happened so many times, but it always hurt for him.. ."Tetsu's gone, Hyde.. He's not going to come back."

"….Why…? I've hurt him so many times and he's returned…" That beautiful face crumpled, and tears loomed in those beautiful eyes. "He'll come back.. he will……"

"He will not, Hyde….." The expression that greeted him almost made his entire being wrench in pain. "He's never going to come back."

Then he watched, as that face was stained with tears, and as Hyde held himself closely and cried… Those tears, they would have seeped into his heart and flooded it, had it already not been in mourning for himself. Still, he chose to hold him and tell him that everything's all right until Hyde falls asleep again….

Sometimes, he'd return to normal.

Others….

He didn't know if it had been the gunshot that led Hyde into such a mental trauma, or if it was the fact that Hyde wanted to forget about the recent happenings and live in a time when he knew Tetsu still loved him. He wished that it was otherwise; he loved Hyde so much……

Anything for you, Shimamoto. That face had been so different from this pained one; as if its owner knew what was going to happen, and who was going to be his.

It had been so far away, back then; just as the thought of holding Hyde in his own arms and caressing his hair had been. But, even now, as Hyde's face was buried in his chest, and as he sifted his own fingers through Hyde's beautiful curls….

It still was so far away, even though it was just there, so near him…..

The strong Hyde…

If only he had known that the price of getting his way would mean Hyde's tears…

If only?

Had he known?

…Not really. He never even spared a tiny thought… Was that love? He only knew what he wanted, and that he was going to get it.

Even if it meant killing Tetsu. Even if it meant hurting himself.

He hadn't done the first part, but, the blood that he'd shed….

If only it had mattered a single bit in Hyde's heart….

*** 

Those eyes opened with a jolt, as the never-ending thought flooded back in.

"….Tetsu…." His voice rang out, and suddenly, consciousness revealed a taller, more protective being lying on top of him, as if it had been his shelter.

A blonde… His eyes widened as he tried to recall who it was. Somewhere in him remembered, but it had been buried deep inside, until he couldn't reach that place which was locked up…..

Carefully, so that he would not wake that blonde, he pulled himself away.

So many times he'd awaken and Tetsu wasn't there… So many times, there had only been the blonde. He didn't know why, but he remembered that he brought Tetsu there, with him, to this city apartment…. But why wasn't he here? ….He was afraid, very afraid.

..—He remembered that whenever he bled, Tetsu would not fail to come and heal him…

Almost in fervent hope, he crawled away from the bed.

So many days which he'd remembered, and… Tetsu wasn't there. But he remembered Tetsu, while sitting on the bed and smiling, saying how happy he was that Hyde was bringing him to the city with him……..

He remembered… That Tetsu'd cried when he brought home this unknown girl. She'd been really nice, and innocent, but it wasn't what he wanted.

Tetsu's expression was what he wanted.

Tetsu ran away, and Hyde was left brooding for a while. But he came back… He always did.

Almost in fervent hope, he reached for the drawer… He was sure he'd kept something there. He didn't know why there were all those extra furniture, and he didn't care. Everything was part of his game, only his… Why had it been broken, been spawned?

There wasn't a sharp object… Then he saw, as he opened the drawer of medication—he always kept it, if he ever hurt Tetsu physically, once in a while, although it had been different because they loved each other—and there sat the pair of scissors.

He reached inside, and the sound of 'snip' was heard. Those blades parted, and he saw that it was sharp.

He could never bear to let Hyde shed his blood…

If Hyde shed his blood, surely Tetsu would come back, wouldn't he?

A part of the blade slid in, as he pulled really tightly against his own wrist… And it bled, profusely.

If Tetsu would come back, it didn't matter if he was dead……

***

People looked so sick and pathetic at the clinic; Ken thought. It was a sad, dreary place, consisting of mostly older population.

He hadn't expected Sera to come out so fast, but when he saw that beautiful man beside the blonde, he knew that it was over.

"How was it?" he asked, nodding towards Sera, who glanced at Hyde wearily in response.

Those eyes simply stared at him.

"He's fine, Ken. The doctor told me to take him to a psychologist…" Hyde's lower lip twitched, and he pulled away from the blonde.

"I'm not crazy!" He yelled, in those eyes raging fury. "I didn't do it! I don't even remember it—"

"……You said that when you bled, Tetsu would always return…." Sera couldn't bear to look at that face, as strong hands gripped his collar and yanked.

"I don't need him, Sera. I chose him because I wanted to." Hyde's eyes narrowed as soon as he turned to face the Tsubomi leader. "And you… Have you come to gloat at my little misfortune?"

"I'm just concerned, Hyde." Ken replied, sticking a cigarette between his teeth, and lit it.

"…Really. I'm going back to the office today, Sera," Hyde turned, striding out of the clinic room. The people were staring, astounded, but no one really cared….

Sera smiled helplessly, and turned to follow, when Ken grabbed his arm, and pulled him back. Gentle breaths whispered in his ear, "Take him to the psychologist when it happens again, Sera…. It's up to you now. I'll pay for any medical bills if you must, but… Take care of him, Sera."

That surprised expression turned into a smile, as he nodded, "I will…." And started to walk away.

***

The bright sunlight pierced through the air like blessing through misery.

Tetsu squinted; he hadn't been out there for so long, that even he himself noticed how pale his skin seemed, as it glowed in the crowd of people. Cautiously he pulled the fur hat down a little, and Yukihiro had his usual headband draped over his forehead, so that his head resembled a carrot more.

"Welcome! What would you like?"

"May I have a Double Cheeseburger Value Set please?" The girl said, her silvery glitters shining on her face. He proceeded to key them in.

"That'll be five hundred and eighty yen please!"

She handed him the money, and he keyed it in, found the change, handed it to her before closing the drawer again. It was busy, really busy. He didn’t even look up at them and grin, as he had earlier in the morning.

"What can I do?" Yukihiro asked, looking up at Tetsu, who smiled and shrugged. They had been living on Sakura's wrestling money for quite a while, and it was time that they started work—before everything started going downhill. "I can't think of a good job for me to do, and no one would hire me."

"They hired Sakura," Tetsu said, as a form of encouragement. Then he looked up to the sky, and thought. "I wonder what I can do."

Yuki blushed when he thought 'whore'. He could imagine Tetsu being picked up easily by a customer like Hyde—maybe someone better, Sakura—even though while he stayed there, Sakura never did have any interest. "Uhm…. Boutique assistant?"

Tetsu's eyes glittered as he looked back at him, "it sounds great… But they hire girls…"

Yuki wanted to smack himself for forgetting that fact. "Uhm… I've seen stores that hire guys too."

Thankfully, Tetsu laughed, and looked down. "I never really worked before."

"……" Yuki held his hand tightly, and continued gazing at Tetsu's face.

….But he never looked up. Instead, he lifted his head to the right, and gazed deeply into the crowds, as if thinking of something.

"I hope we don't get discovered…."

"If we do…" When Tetsu's eyes looked back at him, they looked so much stronger. Still, Yuki could see the hurt in there… and the strong will. "If we do, I'll never let Hyde destroy this."

Yuki immediately wished he hadn't said that.

***

They left Sakura alone in the 'lunch' (lurch), and went strolling around. Yuki figured that if he'd gotten some contacts it would have been better, while Tetsu got recruited at a lady's fashion store (which must have been really desperate).

"When can you start work?" that expression on the interviewer had been rather tired.

"Uhm," Tetsu thought for a moment. "Tomorrow, I guess."

"Tomorrow… Good, it sure is. Not trying to be rude, but…"

"Yes?" He hoped he hadn't sounded too eager.

"Please come in male apparel tomorrow."

And so it had ended there. Tetsu stood outside the hair salon and waited while Yuki was inside. The latter came out with a lowered head, and with hopes of lightening the atmosphere, Tetsu asked him cheerfully whether he could borrow some of his clothes.

"What? You need those?…You can't possibly wear mine… How about asking Sakura? I'm sure he won't mind…" Yuki looked up, twiddling his thumbs restlessly. Then he voiced as an afterthought, "Although you'd swim in his…"

Tetsu laughed; Yuki had a funny thought process. They sat by the street, on the lifted platform beside the building. People passed by, while they sat eating sandwiches.

"It does get worrying," Yuki murmured after some time. "Makes me wish I'm Super Saiyajin, they don't need jobs to be able to eat the amount of food that they do."

Tetsu made a face, "can't imagine you in Saiyajin hair and rippling muscles."

"I'll be Vegeta, and you'll be Bulma!" Yukihiro joked (rather lamely, in his own point of view), and when he saw that Tetsu was blushing, he blushed too.

"Ahou!" Tetsu grinned quietly.

Yuki's fingers lifted up to Tetsu's face, to touch him quietly, and sifted them through the silky brown strands. Tetsu was still blushing, but he didn't make any attempts to stop him, so they stood quietly for quite some time, facing each other in mutual appreciation, until Yuki said, "Come on, let's go."

"Un…."

***

Silence, all silence. Hyde's mind was being filled, bit by bit, by the overwhelming silence.

"…How did this happen…" He murmured, clutching his hair, shaking them loose from the neatly-tied ponytail. His gaze fell on the documents, and his eyes were glazed over by an insanity.

In his clan, it seemed like things were starting to break apart.

And he hadn't realized so until only recently when he'd sat down and gone through the figures, evaluated them, contemplated them, and talked to his subordinates.

"Either you step down, Miss Hyde, or they'll turn against you," Said one of his most trustworthy men.

He'd flown into a rage, but no sooner than he'd calmed down did he realize that it should have been the truth. Other people could have done better than he did. He didn't improve the bringing in of drugs, and many junkies had to steal in order to get it. Neither did he collect protection fees from the districts, and manage the accounts in the ideal manner. In the first place, he should have had an accountant to do those chores, but he didn't because he had been mistrusting, and now…

He didn't exactly treat the problems properly—he hadn't known, or had time to sit down and think properly. Things had been too chaotic.

And everyone was saying that only Tetsu had been important to Hyde, even more than the clan itself.

…Which was the truth.

He wished that he hadn't lost touch; he wished that he hadn't let his wishes for Tetsu be carried away… But what did he know…?

Sometimes, Tetsu's eyes made him feel like a brutal child kicking a dog which was waiting and expecting to be loved.

Which had also been the truth, because he hadn't had time to sit down properly and think…. And do what he was supposed to do.

"It's all Tetsu's fault," He said, through his gritting teeth. "If I ever find you, Tetsu, and your skinny kid, I'll rip you to pieces."

***

The documents were marked and read, the instructions given clearly. Sera couldn't help feeling that a remarkable feat had been done; Hyde had just managed to get back on track. However, whenever he spoke to Hyde, it seemed like he was ready to fly into a rage; Sera couldn't understand why. But he looked so tired that Sera thought maybe he knew, after all.

Then he realized how useless he was, to be helping Hyde with nothing. Whatever Hyde had yelled at him in his rage was the truth, and most of the time he felt inclined to leave as well.

….Even though he had gotten what he wanted….

Sera's eyes misted over with a dull glaze as he stared at the bed.

But no sooner than he had thought that, he came to face with the realization that Hyde couldn't live if he wasn't there.

Not that Hyde couldn't live without him, but because Hyde would break if even he left. He himself didn't want to either; he had finally gotten what he wanted, even if it did cost his own heart and soul…

He wondered what Sakura, Yuki and Tetsu were doing right then. Tetsu especially, the one whom he had meant to kill. Yuki, the one whom he had cheated, and Sakura, the one whom he lied to. If he was ever brought to court, he would face the last sentence.

He couldn't help smiling at the thought, I deserve something worse than death.

Silence reigned, and seemed to melt into his chest, as he strode over to the window, while waiting for Hyde to return from his coffee break. For once, Sera hadn't offered to get it, and he stood with his palms rested against the sill, looking across the whole of the city.

It felt so serene.

He realized that usually, to keep relaxed, people would play some sort of music. His personal preference had been classical, even though most of the people whom he'd met didn't believe him. A roadie wouldn't have liked classical music, or have had the knowledge to know enough to appreciate it anyway. Somehow, it made him want to laugh, but he couldn't. Something was weighing the corner of his lips down.

A notion stuck in his head; he'd call Yuki.

With his eyes fixed to the telephone, his hand slowly reached out, hesitantly. Eventually it rested on the handle, but something was wrong. It felt too heavy to be lifted up.

"…..Du….Dududu!"

He almost jumped and lifted his hand, but instead, calming his frayed nerves, he picked up the handle, somewhat relaxed. "Hello?"

"May I speak to Miss Hyde please?"

"He's not in, please call back later," He replied, and the person put down without even murmuring a thanks.

His gaze wandered towards the window again, and he slowly set the receiver back.

No sooner than his fingers left it, it rang again. He blinked, wondering if there was any significant meaning in that person who was trying to call, and hesitated. If there was a situation, he wasn't sure if he himself could deal with it, so he waited.

And waited, and waited.

Twenty rings, he counted, and it still rang. He didn't budge, expecting it to ring on forever, but gradually it cut off.

He heaved a sigh of relief, and strode over to the window. Then he started to get uneasy; something seemed wrong. Something he couldn't quite comprehend, but he knew that it was something which he could not do without.

Something…

He couldn't help glancing at the phone, hoping that if anything was wrong, Hyde would call him. Yet still the silence sounded, and he didn't hear anything he wanted to. Something caught in his throat, that something…

The something which he needed to find out. The scene outside the window told him nothing but tranquillity. That was it, maybe it had been the tranquillity which was bugging him…

"…Dududu!" It rang again. This time, with his eyes fixed on the window, he almost jumped. Then slowly, he turned around, his eyes wide.

He didn't realize it, but he was shaking when he picked it up. Most likely the caller would only be asking for Hyde. Most likely, it would be the previous person.

"Hello."

The voice which echoed after his was Ken's. "Sera! Hyde…. Hyde….!"

***

The seconds ticked by in his ears again.

This time, he deeply regretted it; he regretted having allowed Hyde to go away by himself. He knew that he should have gone with him. On Ken's face was etched a deep worry, too, and he looked troubled in more than just worry.

None of them spoke anything again. It seemed that whenever they met, it had been because of Hyde's misfortune, and it had been…….

His mind was in fragments; deteriorating fragments, and he heard a loud wailing sound coming from inside of himself. It seemed like a siren, getting louder and louder, and would not stop no matter how he tried to focus on any other thing. His eyes stung, and he felt sure that his nose must be red by then.

When the door opened, he wasn't surprised, and neither did he flinch when the doctor appeared.

"……..Blood clot…. Blindness…. Trauma…. Anti-depressants…… Take care………."

He only nodded, and allowed Ken to lead him into Hyde's room.

It was dimly lit, obviously to accompany the patient to sleep. Sera wasn't sure how he was supposed to console Hyde anymore, and his heart was beating so fast that it could almost jump out of his mouth, and his eyes were starting to cool, but tears were coming down; he hadn't cried before, not even when he unblinkingly hurt everyone and buried himself in agony for the rest of his life; maybe Hyde made it all worthwhile, and soothed his mentality; and that he had to wipe them away but he couldn't wipe them fast enough…….

*** 

Consciousness seeped through him like blood through gauze, and he opened his eyes.

Everything seemed to be black.

"Turn on the lights… ." He murmured, reaching out for something which he couldn't see. "Turn on the lights….!"

"Hyde…." A voice sounded. It was so close….

"Ken…?!" He exclaimed, and tried to reach in front of him. His body hurt as he moved, it hurt so much that he was almost sure that he was going to fall apart. Still, he moved, afraid that he might have been dead… Something was tugging at his wrist as if it had been stuck inside all the while and was trying to stay there while being pulled at. He yanked, but it won't come loose. It hurt, like it was going to rip through his skin. "Ken…!"

"Stop hurting yourself," There was something wrong with that voice. He sounded tormented….

"Ken…." He started to get frenzied. With the other hand, he reached out, to touch someone's face right in front of him. It seemed to reassure him somewhat, as he spoke, "Ken… .? Is that you?"

"….Yes…"

"You're here… I'm not alone… Can you help me switch on the lights? Please? I can't see…." He pleaded, his lips twisting into a half smile, like a damned who just met his savior. "It's so dark in here…. I can't even see you……"

"Hyde…"

"Ken… Please…..?" His hand continued resting on Ken's cheek. A sense of dread was suddenly dawning on him… ..Why had that feeling been…? He couldn't think…..

"…..You'll be fine…" Ken almost seemed to be choking, as his larger hands took hold of Hyde's smaller one.

"Why… .What… What happened…?" His heart was beating faster again, it seemed like his mind couldn't comprehend something which was nagging incoherently at him… Something which seemed to rush his mind and was almost killing him. "Ken… Say something!"

Silence.

"Ken… ..What's wrong…" He almost burst into tears. Those hands which held his were big and comforting….

"…..Your blood is clotting up the sensory systems in your head…"

For a moment, his whole being seemed to freeze, then he was shaking. "What…… .."

"You're blind, Hyde…"

The words seemed to break through his inner self. He trembled, tearing himself loose from the bed, and everything which held him to it. "Impossible…! Impossible!! I can't be blind.. ..I can't!!"

He pulled free from Ken's hold, and shoved him to the ground.

"You're lying….!"

"Hyde—!"

"Hyde!" It was another voice… .

"Sera… Sera!" He recognized it immediately, and he stumbled towards where he thought it came from. "Sera…!"

Something sharp knocked into him, and he almost fell in pain. Someone caught him, the familiar touch which he had known.

"Sera… I'm not blind, am I… I'm not… Ken's lying…! He won't know….!"

"You'll be okay, Hyde… You'll be fine…" Someone held him tightly, and there was nothing he knew enough to do, but to cry in that warm embrace.

***

"Maybe he'll recover, maybe he won't….." Ken murmured. The hot tea steamed into his face, flushing his cheeks until they were pink. If it had been any cozier, he would have seemed like Santa Claus; he thought acidly, looking down wearily at the liquid in the mug.

Sera glanced up at him, his eyes reddened. He wasn't sure if he could have left Hyde alone there then, but the nurses were tending to him again, and he couldn't possibly disrupt their taking care of him.

What left him even more worried was that Hyde had cried, and protested in his arm…

Then he started demanding for Tetsu.

It seemed to have happened again, all over, as Sera stood leaned against the door frame, exhausted. He just didn't know what to do, for the first time. Ken pulled him aside, and made him sit down in the café with him.

"….He might, for all we know. There are cases, so we could well hope that Hyde is one of them…." Ken stiffened, and relaxed his fingers onto the handle.

No, it wasn't true. Sera tore his gaze away from Ken, and stared away into a distance. "….I hope."

"It'll be okay, wouldn't it?" The voice which came out was forced; they both weren't optimistic.

Sera's lips quivered, hesitantly, "……Can you call Tetsu for me…."

"….I can," Ken replied, looking into Sera's face still, studying how the youth looked as the much-too-bright light shone on his pale face which was becoming more and more haggard.

"Thank you."

They lapsed off into silence, then Ken finished the tea and waved the waiter over. Both of them stood up, having paid their debt, and Ken stretched out his hand encouragingly. Sera ignored it, distraught, and the two of them strolled back towards the hospital ward.

Their eyes strayed everywhere else but in the direction of each other, as though the mere sight was ready to remind them of Hyde.

"I have to go," Ken said when they reached the ward.

"Then, goodbye," Sera murmured, decisively, as if it was the least of worries. He stood facing the door, his fingers on the knob.

"Goodbye," Ken turned, and Sera watched as he disappeared down the corridor.

 It felt hollow, too hollow. He faced the door again, his hand still rested against the knob, but he couldn't bring himself to open it. He stared for a while, and squeezed his eyes shut.

Then the knob turned, and he stepped inside.

The room was dark, and Hyde had fallen asleep. He wondered how they had managed to get him to sleep; it would seem like the least of Hyde's worries then. The bunch of pills in the drawer was obvious, as he opened it to see what was inside. Along with a couple of clothes articles, jackets, blankets, it seemed just like another pathetic patient's belonging.

The nutritive stuff which looked like plain H²O flowed from the bag into Hyde's wrist. Sera could see how transparent the blood was at the edge of the needle; he supposed it must be hurting, but it could have been the most minute pain in the world compared to… He would have tried to think about the older people suffering, but he couldn't. All in his mind was darkness, and more darkness. His gaze fell on the gentle curve of Hyde's cheeks, and how those long lashes rested over them underneath the mother-of-pearls.

Then his eyes started to burn, on an accord of their own, and he pulled the chair in a position which would help him to sit down. His eyelids began to droop, and soon, he found himself engulfed in the darkness which he thought Hyde would have been engulfed in….

When he woke up, he groggily examined the clock, to find that only fifteen minutes have passed. Hyde was still asleep, and Sera didn't know what he should have done by himself.

Then, Hyde's eyelids twitched, and even though those eyes shone through, they turned without direction, and hands groped out. A voice, meek as a mouse, murmured, "Sera…?"

"Hyde," He immediately responded, knowing for sure that if he had kept silent anymore, Hyde would start to freak out again. That quivering body seemed to relax under his hold, and he asked, "Do you want to sit up?"

"….un…." The beautiful young man nodded, and Sera helped him, refusing to let his own hands tremble.

"Sera….. Tell me… Am I beautiful anymore?"

It came so suddenly, that it seemed to shatter every taut atmosphere which radiated from within the room's walls. Sera blinked, examined Hyde's face, which seemed so sincere. His hair, usually tied up, was now loose over his shoulders, and hung down perfectly over the curves where the plain white shirt rested upon. That face…. It didn't change, if not for the expression, which seemed so vulnerable, like a little white bird alone in the wind…

Different, so different from his earlier accuses, so different from his almost distorted anger.

Finally he replied, "Yes, Hyde. Yes."

"…Then…" Hyde's eyes started to brim with tears, "Why isn't Tetsu here?"

"He… He just came to see you," Sera shut his eyes tightly. "…He didn't want to disturb you, so he left."

"….If he ever comes again, please…" He breathed in a slight breath, while his eyes remained directionless as they darted back and forth, "Tell me, okay…?"

"…Un…."

He imagined asking, How does it feel to be blind? How does it feel to be insane? But he couldn't. Of course he couldn't. Even though, seeing Hyde's fetal expression, he knew that Hyde wouldn't have yelled at him anyway….

He knew how vulnerable Hyde was, after all. He knew something which no one else knew, and suddenly—even though it hurt—that was enough.

"…My stomach feels weird…." Hyde complained, almost as if he was trying to state a fact so that he himself could comprehend it. "And my wrist hurts…. And my head is spinning…"

"Un…Un…." Sera's eyes were fixed on his face. Those furrowed brows, that quivering lips, those pale cheeks…

"……..If Tetsu was here…" Hyde looked nostalgic.

Sera stiffened.

Hyde burst into a smile. "He wouldn't have left, would he?"

It was a sad smile, a deceived one.

"He would stay and take care of me. ….Sera, I wish…. I wish that I've met you at that time instead."

Still, it was too late…

A drop of hot tear fell onto Hyde's shirt, and disappeared.

"…Nee… Sera?"

If only Hyde knew… Sera thought, but his mind couldn't even complete his mental sentences.

***

"…" Tetsu wiped his brow with his hand, rather uncomfortably. He really wasn't suited for sales, and got yelled at thrice for doing the wrong things.

"Maybe you should go home," The person in charge told him rather bluntly, and Tetsu nodded unhappily.

He managed to choke, "Sorry to have troubled you."

And then he turned, and left.

Kicking a small pebble on the street, he wondered if he wanted to go home, or harass Yuki. That guy had found his job as a roadie for a live house. Which was rather ironically funny, since he had to be some kind of roadie or another, at one point of time.

"I shouldn't," He told himself, rubbing his arms numbly. "I'm already too much of a bother….I can't even work properly…."

Tears threatened, but he blinked them away. It hadn't been the time to worry; he decided, no one would blame him. Although he knew that it wasn't the point… He decided to stop by Sakura's working place, which happened to be on the route home.

He reached there in no time; having lost a sense of himself in crowds, and stood by the bustling fast food outlet. People seemed crammed in there. He hadn't seen Sakura, but he decided to go home instead. If only he knew where Yuki's live house was… No, he couldn't bother him either. He shouldn't have.

Instead, he tore his eyes away from there, and set his steps farther and farther away from that fast food outlet.

***

It didn't take him that long to travel around, and soon his steps sounded in the empty corridor. The sound of metal tinkled as he reached for his key, and he plugged it in, to find that it had already been loosened. No big deal; maybe they forgot to lock it.

He almost whistled a tune when he twisted the lock, and stepped in. He would have choked if he did; someone was sitting inside the living room on the sofa….

"Ken…?!" His voice trembled.

The man smiled at him, while bowing his head politely. "My lady."

***

The two of them sat in alignment on the couch, not one of them speaking. Their eyes were set on different places, as well, but both their minds seemed intent on one thing.

They remained like that for quite some time, until Tetsu started, still staring at the window grille, "…What do you want?"

"I would like a cup of coffee, please," even though Ken knew that this wasn't what he meant.

Tetsu raised an eyebrow, but lifted himself, and walked away into the kitchen. It seemed weird that his skirt didn't rustle as he walked; instead the black pants seemed so out of place. Ken watched as he disappeared, studying how small he seemed in comparison to himself, or Sera, and then his mind wandered off to someone else.

That someone needn't be named.

He came back, his long brown hair which had previously fallen over his eyes now brushed away neatly behind his ears, and set the cup onto the smooth polished surface of the coffee table.

"Here's yours."

"Thank you."

Once again, it was silence, and Ken picked up his coffee, to sip it quietly.

"Do you wanna talk now?" Tetsu spoke, his eyes hardened. It had fixed elsewhere, but he wasn't looking at this leader of Tsubomi, no matter what.

"….." Ken returned the cup quietly onto the table, and his eyes darted towards Tetsu's face, as if something had suddenly entered his mind. Tetsu waited patiently, and Ken found himself speaking, "You know who I've come for."

"Hyde," Tetsu said bravely. He shook his head decisively, as if assuring him that he wasn't about to bother himself with it, "I won't go back no matter what, Ken… Even if he sent you here."

Ken shut his eyes, and took a deep breath. When his voice came out, it was so serene that it could have been scary. "…He's in the hospital."

This time, Tetsu's gaze met his. "You're lying."

"He's been through a car accident, and blood is clogging up his nervous system in his head. He's blind, and traumatized." He didn't flinch under Tetsu's disbelieving glare, and finally he saw Tetsu break.

"……It… It isn't true." He muttered, putting a hand to his head as if steadying it, "You're lying. All of you are."

Ken allowed himself to smile a little, before bursting out in laughter. He couldn't stop once he started, and soon he sounded hysteric, with tears in his eyes and a knot in his stomach.

"….." Tetsu waited.

Then it twisted so much until Ken himself wasn't sure if they were sobs or laughs; they couldn't have been different. He shook his head, whispering, "….Me?"

The brunette said nothing; still staring at him intently, accusingly.

"….I'm Ken. I'm the leader of Tsubomi, Tetsu…." He shook his head. "…If you think that even I would lie to you… Then…."

It seemed that both of them were struck by the silence which accompanied it, as Ken stood up.

"I'll visit again tomorrow, if you change your mind."

The door slammed shut, and Tetsu was left sitting alone on the couch, his eyes still staring at the window grilles. Suddenly, he slumped against the structure, almost every inch of his insides shattered.

***

Tetsu stood leaned against the wall, his head thrown backwards as if he had merged to be part of the structure. Yuki blinked as soon as he stepped in and felt the urge to apologize for being late; it had been job requirements after all, and wasn't Sakura back yet?

He opened his mouth to inquire; but Tetsu lifted his gaze and stared straight into him, his voice a soft whisper, "…Yuki."

He felt his voice choke, and all his blood rushed into his head. He couldn't think. "What….? What is wrong, Tetsu?"

Tetsu shook his head, clamping his mouth tightly, and tears sprung into his eyes.

"Tell me, I'll avenge you." Yuki was determined, but Tetsu simply shook his head.

"…..No…That's not what I meant," Tetsu murmured, lifting himself from against the wall, "….Yuki…."

Gentle hands wrapped around him, seeming so cold and frightened. His arms reached around Tetsu's back, pressing him close to himself, in silence. Words couldn't mean anything—he didn't understand, and he wanted to, but….

After Tetsu had cried himself to sleep in his arms, Yuki lay him down onto the bed gently, and suddenly remembered Sakura's absence.

***

Hyde was sleeping and floating between reality and illusion again. Dreams always bore an abstract feeling for him, even though they sometimes seemed so real, because those dreams never came true for him.

"If I were to ask you to kill me…." He murmured.

Then his eyes jolted open, and the scenes, now in monochrome, drifted around in his mind.

He wondered if he would be able to remember them after a while. …Even Sera. He couldn't comprehend having to live through life without even remembering how things looked like.

He tried to imagine if he was able to see again one day, when Tetsu came to visit again, and he would surprise him with something sudden, like "you're finally back", or something nice…. For once. For once, it rang in his head again; this time his mind felt shaken, and his eyes grew hot.

For once…. If he hadn't been corrupted by…. By what? Society? Disillusions?

Then he wept.

***

"Hyde," Sera's voice was comforting, even though…

Even though what? Hyde thought dryly. Even though I'm still such a… spoilt brat?

"Don't cry," Gentle hands wiped his cheeks, and he shook his head. "Tetsu came just now when you were sleeping, and left some roses for you. He said…"

"…Why didn't you wake me up?" Almost blamefully, he allowed his expression to harden, as his own hands gripped Sera's tightly. Then the emotions came flooding into him, flooding so much that he thought he would drown…. His voice cracked, and those tears flooded back again, even though they didn't fall, "I have something to tell him."

"What do you have to tell him?"

It sounded so gentle that he wasn't hesitant to confide. The only person who had been there after Tetsu left…. He supposed he could trust him. "I love you."

He felt those hands tremble, and instinctively, he reached out to touch Sera's face. Yet he jerked away violently, leaving Hyde to grasp nothing. He let out a gasp; suddenly he didn't know where he was… And it felt so… wrong.

He whispered desperately, "Sera."

"…." Those gentle fingertips touched his cold hands, and entwined around his own. "..It's okay, Hyde. It's okay."

"I'll tell Tetsu the next time he comes," Hyde said decisively. "I'll… Make sure that he hears it…."

"….He will, Hyde."

"Then…" He sighed, almost happily, "I…. I could ask him to kill me…."

***

It still sounded in his head. Ken was waiting, sitting beside him, but he still couldn't seem to get a grasp of his own thoughts.

"I'm sorry," He said, meaninglessly, as his gaze fell distracted onto the orangy water.

Ken replied crisply, "it's fine."

He smiled tautly as Ken continued to wait, and finally started, "…Is …Te…"

"He didn't believe me," The man said, matter-of-factly, "But I'm going again today."

"…He…"

"If he's there," Ken added as an afterthought.

"……Does he even love Hyde anymore?!" It came out enraged. He couldn't think.

"After Hyde had done what he did, I won't blame him," Ken told him, tactlessly. "So… How has Miss Hyde been?"

"…… ." Sera shook his head, suddenly wary, "He… He's still hoping that Tetsu would come to visit him…."

"And you lied to him again?" Ken looked rather annoyed that he couldn't smoke in the hospital cafeteria.

"That too."

"…I see," Ken said resignedly, now starting to stir the liquid with his straw. "Blue soda is disgusting."

Sera, on the other hand, couldn't be bothered with Ken's actions. "….He wants to tell Tetsu something."

"…. .." Ken waited.

"…He…" Sera's eyes wandered from Ken's soda to Ken, even though everything seemed so faraway, "….He wants to tell Tetsu that he loves him."

***

"…Where can Sakura be?" Yuki murmured, his eyebrows furrowed tightly. Tetsu was still sleeping; he had woken up earlier in the day and Yuki had offered to get him some food, but he had refused to budge… And he was still crying. That could only mean one thing—the claws of Hyde's power had extended to them.

The beautiful being didn't stir, and Yuki didn't dare to leave him alone. Sometimes he wanted to kill Hyde, for messing up all their lives……

A black figure flashed in the shadows, under the soft glow of a moonlight.

He gasped, his eyes opening wide, and almost instinctively, his hold around Tetsu tightened. "…Da…Dare?!"

"….Sera." A voice replied.

"…Se..Sera?!" Yuki gasped, staring at the too-tall figure who stood leering over them in the darkness. He hadn't noticed it, but his voice was trembling, "Who…"

"I've come with Sera's will," the silhouette retreated from the shadows and stepped into the path of the moonlight. "Hello, Yukihiro. I'm Ken."

"…Ken… Ken-sama!" This time, Yuki's arms did unwrap from around Tetsu as he hurriedly got up to bow. He had met… He had met the Leader of Tsubomi….! "You… What are you doing here?"

He smiled quietly. "To pass Tetsu a message from Miss Hyde."

"…..!" Immediately Yuki retreated, stretching his arms out like a mother hen protecting her chicks, not noticing that the small commotion had awoken the light sleeper behind. Lowering his voice, "You… You're under Hyde too, aren't you?"

Ken guffawed, sounding like Santa Claus. "…I'm not Under Anyone, Yukihiro. I'm just helping my fellow comrade to pass her message."

Yuki stiffened, but a voice behind him sounded gently, "….Leave me to speak to him, Yuki."

Hesitantly, he stepped aside, sticking his arms beside his body, yet getting ready to spring into any action that he could if needs be. Then he nodded, and watched as Tetsu climbed up bravely to stand facing Ken, even though the former was so much shorter. He could see the courage radiating from his beloved, and couldn't help but feel a bit intimidated.

"….What is it, Ken," Tetsu stood unwaveringly, beautiful in the white moonlight.

The Leader looked meaningfully at Yuki, and the latter backed away in response, opening the door and going out, taking extra care to close it silently. Satisfied that they were alone, Ken turned back to look at Tetsu in the eye. It hadn't been forceful, nor gentle; it was impartial. "…So…What have you decided…?"

"….Yes…I'm not going, Ken." Tetsu faced him directly. "I'm not going. How do I know that this is not a lie conjured to hurt me anymore? How do I know…That…."

In a stride, Ken's arms reached around Tetsu's shoulders. He was frail, so frail that he could have almost broken under Ken's embrace; and had been too shocked to be red-faced. Ken's head bowed, until their lips met in a deep kiss.

When he realized what they were doing, Tetsu struggled, and Ken simply let him go.

"….I don't see why Hyde loves you so much, Tetsu." He murmured sadly, admiring the way Tetsu's lips were swollen red. "Although, I don't see why you love her either." 

"….Leave us alone," Tetsu uttered, shaking his head gently, "I can't love Hyde anymore."

"There's one thing that Hyde would like to tell you, Tetsu."

"I don't want to hear!" He yelled, covering his ears, and turning away. "Go away! Leave us alone…Leave us alone….!"

Ken's strong hands pulled his away, and said loudly, but surely…

"No…!"

"Hyde said, 'I love you.' She had been thinking that even when Sera was there all along, and she had been trying to tell you that whenever Sera lied that you had come to visit her. …Has it gone like this, Tetsu? Even Sakura went when he was informed."

"Uso…He would have called…!"

"I told him when he left work. I've disconnected your telephone line."

"You….."

"I didn't want you to know about Sakura, Tetsu… But now it's no use… Hyde's pining is useless. I'll connect it later, Tetsu. Here's Shimamoto Sera's mobile number… Feel free to call him."

Ken forced his fingers to wrap around a piece of paper, and then let go of him altogether.

There was only silence; none of them were able to speak a thing…. Ken left through the door, without even glancing at anyone or anything. He leaned down to pick up the telephone line, which had been cut off from the telephone, and reconnected it through the socket. Then he resumed on his way through the main door, slamming it shut.

Yukihiro stood at the doorway, gazing at Tetsu's forlorn figure as he sobbed… And even then he couldn't pick up the courage to step forward and hold him.

***

Sakura couldn't believe that it was Hyde whom he was seeing. Sickly pale, haggard, and forlorn… It didn't resemble anything that conjured in his mind the words "kokuryu".

"…….Do you want a seat?" Sera asked; happier now that a familiar company was with him.

Sakura accepted it without a word, and then returned his gaze onto Sera, his expression unfathoming. "…I can't believe this, Shimamoto."

"My name is Sera. Call me Sera," The blonde laughed, shaking his head. Then he sobered, as Hyde stirred.

"..Who are you talking to, Sera…?" He murmured.

"…Sakura," Sera replied, grasping Hyde's hand to lead it to Sakura's. He beckoned at Sakura to say something, and Hyde fumbled around with Sakura's hands, as if making sure that Sera wasn't lying.

"I… Hello, Miss Hyde," He said, in a normal tone, "How are you today?"

"I'm fine," Hyde replied, "….What about you…….?"

"Me too," Sakura was still unable to comprehend that this was Hyde… "Are you hungry? I'll go and get something…."

Hyde shook his head with a hint of smile on his lips, and suddenly, as his brows furrowed, he whispered, "Sakura…. Why are you kind to me?"

"Because," Sakura returned the smile even though Hyde could not see it, "…Because."

"You pity me?" Tears flooded Hyde's unseeing gaze; his expression was that of a lost dog whom everyone had forsaken. He pushed Sakura's hands aside, "I don't want you to pity me, Sakura."

"…And I don't pity you." He didn't know how to express it either, as he grasped Hyde's hand gently.

Hyde's face softened in grief, "No."

"I…. Respected you. I still do, sort of. I don't care what you did… It's in the past, Hyde… I don't have to hold it against you anymore."

"You…"

"I know you still love Tetsu, too….." He began, but was immediately hissed silent by Sera. "What…?"

Immediately, the blonde pulled him aside, beyond the door, closing it swiftly. "Shut up about Tetsu."

"….He……"

"He hasn't come to visit him," Sera replied briefly, expressionless. "I told him that Tetsu did, when he was sleeping."

"……I thought…." It did seem possible that he had a misunderstanding; Tetsu had never let them know anything anyway, and not to mention that in the first place, both Yuki and he would never let him be harassed by Hyde in any way—… ..

"We tried to tell Tetsu over the phone when Hyde got shot last month," Sera explained, staring into Sakura's face. "I don't know what happened, but he didn't want to listen… And this time Ken went, but…"

Sakura studied Sera's face, intently, "Like he told me…?"

"Like he told you, he told Tetsu."

"…Is that true." It came out more as a demand than a query.

"Yes, it is. And he's going again tomorrow," Sera swept his glance around the corridor, and Sakura saw—although he hadn't been familiar with the person enough to recognize him at first sight—Ken sitting on the hospital bench, drinking a hot beverage from some vending machine.

"Ken," Sakura called. This figure was indeed the same one which he had saw, and he couldn't doubt it when it sashayed towards him.

"Sakura," Ken acknowledged, "How are you?"

"…I…." He stopped short. What was he to say, that he was traumatized at Hyde's sudden change… Or? Or his frailty? He couldn't lie, but he couldn't bring himself to say whatever was on his mind either, as he stood there, leaving the conversation hanging in midair.

"Surprised that this is Hyde?" Ken laughed quietly.

"…." He nodded, in resignation.

"I have something to ask of you," Sera cut in, his tired gaze piercing through Sakura's heart, "Can you please stay and look after him…?"

"……I…"

"I'm really sorry, but I want to sleep." Sera seemed half-apologetic for the troubles which he was causing, and immediately Sakura's mind wandered to Yuki and Tetsu, then to his work at Mac Donald's. He would surely get fired. "Don't worry about your job. It's just a fast food restaurant—Ken will get you a better one."

"I will," Sakura sighed; he couldn't possibly refuse. Sera looked like he was about to break any moment, and he didn't want to be liable for any damage done. "…But I need to tell Tetsu and Yuki….."

"I'll tell them when I go back," Sera smiled gratefully. Sakura watched with admiration, as he realized that he had been slumping against the wall, as did Ken, but Sera was the only one holding himself upright with such dignity…. "….Is there anything you need to know…"

"….Have a good rest," Sakura almost couldn't resist asking how many hours Sera had per day when looking after Hyde; had Hyde been such an overbearing patient?

He nodded, "…jya."

"Bye," the corner of Ken's lips lifted as he strode away, with Sera behind him.

Sakura watched them disappear around the corner, and suddenly he realized how quiet it was—there wasn't a person in sight, under the sickly lights of the hospital. He could see nurses of overnight shift at the other end, near the counter, doing whatever it was that they were doing. And a doctor who walked by.

Then he glanced at the wall clock—it was 10p.m. Too late for visiting hours, he mused, as he got ready to get back in, to face Hyde again… How was he going to?

"…..Hyde," He called, sticking his head in cautiously.

To his surprise, he saw the beautiful man sitting still, on the bed, not moving… It was almost eerie. Hyde's head lifted, and for a moment Sakura was mistaken that Hyde could see him, because those piercing eyes were fixed on him…. "Sakura…?"

"Sera went back and told me to take care of you," Sakura explained, pushing his hair behind his ears as he spoke.

"Oh," When Sakura moved, those eyes hadn't changed their direction; they stared through him as if he was glass.

It made Sakura's heart clench; although he wasn't sure what for.

Was it the degradation of such a lovely being, or was it the decomposing power?

"…..I'm tired, Sakura." Hyde complained.

"Then sleep," He smiled. "I'll watch after you."

"….Will you kill me in my sleep?" That voice had sounded so innocent…. .. It didn't seem like the accusing tone which Hyde would normally take up—was it Hyde at all…?! "Don't…. I want to tell Tetsu something. When I finally tell him, you can kill me… I understand if you want to kill me…"

"Quit sprouting nonsense," Sakura shouted, wrapping his arms around Hyde. It was warm… He felt himself calming down as he spoke, as Hyde buried his face into Sakura's chest and sobbed freely… "I'll protect you, Hyde… I'm your bodyguard, remember?"

"It's… Different now…. .." It was all that Hyde murmured, even though Sakura didn't have anything to say to that.

What could he have said?

It was indeed… Different.

He patted him gently on the back, rocking gently like a mother cradling her child, as this beautiful fallen angel drifted off to sleep…

***

Instead of returning to his place as he was supposed to, Sera had gone along to Ken's apartment. He wanted to laugh at himself for the trickery all along, but he ended up simply falling asleep and waking up to stare at the sky via the balcony—there was a very nice balcony in Ken's apartment that overlooked the city—and then going back to sleep. Ken simply went to work; he didn't expect anyone until near midnight, if Ken ever came back, that was.

Somehow, as he slept, he wished that Tetsu would believe Ken.

As he drifted between consciousness and its opponent, he wondered what could he have done anyway. He couldn't think of any.

Noon passed by swiftly; its bright sun-lit skies seeming to remind him of a certain melancholy. Perhaps it had to do with summer; hot and bothersome. Then dusk came, and he found his leading footsteps away from inside the house towards the balcony, and before he knew it, he stood in a blossoming fire. The skies above didn't remind him of cotton wool or life or anything deep; it simply looked like a sunset.

A sunset where the clouds rolled by like gigantic storms, and where everything swirled into a whirlpool…

Being that it reminded him of Hell.

He smiled, and then retreated back into the room, when the entire landscape was darkened, while overhead, blue-gray faded to indigo. A crescent moon lay in a corner of the sky, high and prominent, yet maliciously sad. He didn't want to see such a scene.

He promptly ignore the switch; he didn't like the too-bright lights that the house generated, but he was forced to step back and press upon it when he realized that it was too dark for him to see anything. Looking at the clock in the living room, he decided that he was hungry and strolled towards the fridge, supposing that Ken would have found it okay for his refugee to help himself.

The contents were rather shocking; instead of exotic foods which the lavish design of the house had given impression upon him, there was only certain canned drinks and alcohol. He ended up with a can of green tea. Maybe he'd have some sake later.

His fingers worked their way with the tab, and dumped it into the bin. He strode around the house, wondering what he should do. If he got bored enough, he'd have to watch TV, and he couldn't think of any more degradation ever done to the kinds of Human Being—wait, didn't they bring it upon themselves and so happily went on with whatever destroyed them?

Right… He wasn't bored enough. A quick glance revealed some newspapers at the coffee table, and he lay it on the table to flip through it after making sure that it was the current issue. World events took shape before him, and although he didn't exactly read through it properly, he had a grasp of what was going on… Which kind of saddened him, knowing that this world was pathetic enough as it was.

A world, once strong and rich in environment, that has been turned into urban by its greedy children.

After everyone had grown rich, and the countries competitive, when everyone had been programmed by specific genes and happy-memory-reduction, what will everyone do? He wondered, glad that he wasn't born any later. When everyone has reached the top, there would be nothing left to do but fall…

He couldn't resist thinking of Hyde.

Finally, deciding that it was depressive enough and there wasn't a comic section in the newspaper which he was looking at, he stood up with his green tea and headed back to the balcony, wondering what it was like outside.

There wasn't a single star, and the moon still hung pallid over the metropolis. He glanced down at below, suddenly seeing an upsurge of stars, reminding him of whatever he had seen as a child, through innocent eyes….

He laughed to himself, at the thought of plummeting down and meeting up with those 'stars'. Yet he won't do that, no matter what. For no good reason, too—there wasn't a thing in sight that he'd live for. He lied. Maybe there was. Would he have admitted it?

He guessed that something was to be done. He lingered there some more, and then stepped into the room, to stare at his mobile phone…

Ken had said that if Tetsu had thought through it, he would call.

Then Sera would have to rush down to Be A Middleman, and Tetsu would see Hyde and they would Reunite and they would Live Happily Ever After.

Would they?

All that remained and existed was silence, even though he stared at it, expecting something to happen….

It rang.

Maybe to say "ring" would be a strange word, for no word has been invented for the sound of melodies played by certain brands of mobile phones. He had chosen a sweet melody; one which sounded with undue sadness. Now, it simply pierced through the air solemnly, like a wail of an ambulance.

Still, it was sounding.

He swallowed; something felt as if it was choking him. He picked it up, his gaze fixed on the screen—the call was made from his place—as he pressed a button…. It stopped ringing. "Hello?"

"….Shimamoto…?" It was Yuki's voice instead; it made him heave a sigh of relief. He didn't want to face Tetsu as yet.

"My name is Sera."

"….Sera?" Sera could imagine his facial expression over the phone, Yuki must be so confused. It made him smile.

"Yeah, that's my name. Call me by that. So……"

"Ano….." He had expected Yuki to be more conversational, to say the least. It didn't seem like the Yuki he knew now, even though he knew him as a quiet guy… Once, as a friend.

"Well?"

"What… Okay." Yuki's voice sounded fainter this time, as if the receiver was being lifted from him.

"Hello." This time, it was Tetsu.

Sera stiffened, "Yes, Tetsu?"

"I…. Is Sakura there…?"

"He's at the hospital," Sera replied briefly. "Looking after Hyde for me."

"……. …." Silence, then, "…Is what Ken said true…"

"About Hyde being in a hospital?"

"….You know."

"Yes," He didn't want to elaborate. "Do you want to come over?"

"…. . ….I… I want to see how he is."

"If you want, I can come down to the train station, and you can wait there."

"The train station…?"

"Yuki should know."

"Now?"

"Otherwise?"

"….I'll prepare."

"Then, see you when I get there. Anything else?"

"….No."

"Then, goodbye." He hung up.

***

Tetsu returned to the sofa, his eyes wet, after he had put down the telephone. Yuki waited for him, to say anything at all, but there was only silence and his own vision was starting to blur too.

"….Do you know what train station Shimamoto is talking about…?" The shadow of Tetsu's long eyelashes cast a shadow over his pupils.

"…Yes," Yuki replied, "It takes a twenty-minute walk to get there."

"…Then… Please bring me there," Tetsu whispered, lifting his gaze up; lifting away that shadow from his deep warm pupils which shone with the spiral of a thousand stars.

The ambiance of the room was suffocating, with the white light over the white walls a tad too bright, flushing everything with a sickly hue. Yuki nodded, unable to take his eyes off Tetsu; he was so beautiful…. It didn't seem right that he should even be there anymore. He wanted to brush his hand across Tetsu's forehead as he spoke, but his limbs felt like lead with its incredible inertia, "..I will. Do you want to prepare now…?"

Tetsu nodded, tearing away from Yuki's presence as he stepped into the room, to search in his own drawers the clothes which he had been accustomed to. He chose a dark purple skirt and a blouse of dark green, and headed towards the bathroom.

Then it was silence all over again; even the sound of Tetsu's bustling by was gone.

The silence rang throughout the house, shrilly, and he flung himself against the sofa where Tetsu had once been sitting on earlier with his eyes peering up at him from beneath his fringe as Yuki had made that damned phone call….

He kind of missed Shimamoto… No, Sera. Though.

Even the breaths which he inhaled seemed to slice up his lungs. He shook his head, stifling a sob. The past events that had faded into a world of monochrome came flooding back in its color, now surreal, and he was wondering why they chose to come back at such a time…

***

"Thank you for taking charge of things when I'm away, Mori."

"You're welcome, sir." Mori, the person whom he was talking to, was a middle-aged man with a crooked grin and had been around for as long as he remembered.

Ken sighed, as he stood beside the door, "Do you promise me one thing….? I promise you that when everything is all right, I'll reward you greatly."

"There is no need, sir. I will promise you if it's within my ability." It sounded sincere.

"….Thank you, still… Please promise me that you will stay faithful to Tsubomi."

"I swear that I will stay faithful to Tsubomi with all my life."

"Then…. Thank you… Please help me to continue on the clan, Mori, for the moment."

"Are you tired, sir? Please have a rest."

"I will, Mori. Thank you very much," He uttered, gratefully.

Ken walked out of the building, as he drove the car away from the district, back to the hospital where Hyde was. He had chosen to drive by himself this time, as he knew that someone was able to resume the things in the clan while he was away…

Even though there was still one thing that was unsettled, and it was whoever had shot Hyde.

Mori was his favorite supporter; he had been there when Tsubomi was formed, and Ken trusted him very much.

Even though, there was still one thing….

He had been taking care of things the entire day; it was high time to have taken care of things that only he could have done.

***

The road towards the station gave the impression of night.

The first time Sera had been out late was when he was five. The orphanage had an outing, and he simply got lost. At that time, he wandered innocently with his eyes wide, even though he hadn't scared. He had been wondering what was going to happen to him, and if anything happened at all he wouldn't have flinched.

He met with a fateful person on that day.

A boy older than he was, perhaps ten or so, came towards him and pulled him away. Then there was a rumble, and a bunch of big people were rushing about, yelling and screaming at each other. They began hitting each other, and some fell in the mess.

He had been watching soundlessly in that alley where he and the boy stood. When it was over, everyone dragged everyone else away; a portion of the men ran away elsewhere and when there was but a few left, the boy jumped out and helped someone. Shimamoto continued to watch through neutral eyes, and the boy beckoned him to come forward. He did.

"Namae?" the boy grinned cheerfully.

"Shimamoto," He replied.

"….shitsurei suru, demo.. honmyou wa..?"

"Shimamoto dake."

"Sou ka…Ore Yukihiro da." He continued grinning.

When everything was really over, the group of men who had fought earlier brought them to a brightly lit house with a few furniture in it. Everyone was friends with everyone else, and they tended to each other's wounds. A few children other than themselves, whom Yuki seemed familiar with, came over and sat with them. For once, Shimamoto realized what it was—a place where a group of refugees stayed, and he was becoming one of the them.

That night, every one of them children cramped into the room with two adults whom Shimamoto still hadn't known. When everyone was sound asleep, Yuki crept out, woke Shimamoto, and they ran outside of the house to stare at the street.

"I have chocolate," Yukihiro said suddenly, as he reached into his pocket to pull out a soft bar of something. "I stole it today when we went to a provision store."

"It's not good to steal," Shimamoto had said; he was merely quoting what the 'teachers' had taught him in the orphanage.

"We have to," Yuki replied, as he unwrapped the paper with care to reveal chocolate with surface that had melted. Shimamoto stared, but Yukihiro plucked a piece off to give it to him. "Here, it's good."

Shimamoto took it and stared at it. He made a face, but Yuki was beckoning him to eat, and he finally did so. It didn't taste quite as bad, if not a bit sickly in the heat. When he was done, he stared at Yuki's larger piece, and Yuki gave him another.

When they had finished, they sat by the curb watching nothing in particular, "So, where do you come from?"

"An orphanage."

"Really! I thought you were one of us homeless."

"….About there…"

"You need someone to protect you if you're homeless," Yuki told him. Over there everywhere was divided into regions and gangs would occasionally fight for more territory. It was rather unsafe to be without protection, and if you prove yourself to be worthy enough, they would keep you.

Shimamoto merely accepted it, and they went back to sleep.

The next day, the other children came out, and the older ones told him what to do. If he could pick a pocket or steal something expensive, he was going to stay.

So he went into a crowded place, but he did not know how to; he was hoping that Yuki would teach him. Yet he was sitting at another corner, with the rest of them, watching him.

He got lost among the crowds, and wandered some place. Then he got lost entirely; with no means of return. It became scary, and suddenly he heard a scream from an alley. Immediately he ran there, to see a woman lying there half-naked in a pool of sticky darkness.

"…Help… Help me…"

He took a glance at her, reached down to grab her purse, and ran.

He didn't know where he was running to, but he ran, and soon he bumped into one of the boys, who chided him and led him back. Upon seeing his purse, all their eyes brightened, and they flipped it inside out to see what they could loot. There was a wad of notes in a wallet, some make up, and ramdom stuff like cards and pencils. They were obviously satisfied, and he was going to stay.

As a memorial, he kept the make up and the little key chain which was inside. The key chain consisted of an innocent-looking kitten, and whenever he was unhappy he would look at it; it made him forget himself. At a point of time, he took out the make up and put it on, in hope that it would make him look less ugly. But since the older boys treated it with obvious dislike except for Yukihiro who thought it was fun, he ceased to use it and kept it somewhere.

That was during childhood; he had long lost the purse.

He had, however, not yet lost his indifference through which the way he looked at things. He had been despicable since young anyway.

The lights were overbearing at the station even though it had been dark outside earlier. The story was that Yuki and he had met there once, when he came back from Kyoto from an important chore to help one of the dead member find his family and some random stuff which he didn't particularly care about. It had been a touching scene for as long as he could remember, and would always stay like that. After that, they simply went their own ways in the gang, and their friendship became as thin as paper. It would have made no difference as to whether they had met each other earlier or since he came back from Kyoto; he was used to being cold.

Then he lied to Yuki, and even hurt him as a means.

When he reached there, Tetsu and Yuki stood waiting there for him. They didn't speak a word to each other, except a mere "Do you want to come along?" to Yuki, who replied, "Yes." Rather unwaveringly.

If it had been any other person, he would have smiled cynically. As it was, they trudged in silence, away from the station towards the hospital…

***

When Ken entered the room, Hyde was asleep and so was Sakura. The latter was propped against the cupboard right beside Hyde, his head rested back and a thin trail of saliva running down his chin. Both of them slept so deeply, he thought it was almost cute. He couldn't decide if he wanted to go away or stay there, so he simply sat down on the sofa in a far corner.

The last thing which he thought before dozing off was 'damn, I'm going to fall asleep.'

And soon he was in as deep a sleep as Sakura and Hyde, as dark a chasm as theirs as well.

*** (Sakura has a very bad sleeping posture…-> explains the change of position below.^^;)

The three's footsteps led to the hospital.

The silence was grave among them, and they walked along the corridors, with Yuki grasping Tetsu's hand tightly and Sera in the lead. The interior of the hospital looked too proper; Yuki felt sick and Tetsu refused to acknowledge that.

Sera led them to a room above, opening the doorknob with his slender fingers, letting the light from the corridor pour from the dark room. The still-drooling Sakura lay asleep on top of Hyde, and a sleeping Ken was found in a corner at a glance. Yuki blinked, but Tetsu's face remained grim, and his chest tightened when he saw Hyde's sleeping features in that dim light.

No one was lying to him…..

No, it was impossible. There must have been some mistake there, maybe Hyde was only acting and Sakura did not know…… . How was that possible?

In fact, they were all so peaceful that the three of them became intruders.

Sera nodded towards the sofa, and Tetsu gestured at Yuki to sit down. Obediently, Yuki did, his thin face overshadowed by fringe that had grown too long. He made up his mind to either cut it or let it grow long some day, and Sera stepped forward to wake Hyde, but Tetsu's eyes made him stop.

"Please let him sleep," He murmured, closing his eyes. They felt hot.

Sera obeyed, standing leaned against the wall, watching Hyde's face intently.

***

Ken stirred.

He didn't feel any different; it was one of those times where he woke up and expected to fall back asleep again.

A familiar figure stood in front of him, a frail thin frame adorned in that familiar jacket, that familiar long pleated skirt… He blinked, and found himself wide awake. A glance at Sera revealed a nonchalant face, and immediately he knew what happened.

Unsure of whether he should have smiled or cried, he strode towards the bed, and tugged at Sakura's sleeve gently. The raven-haired man lifted his head, his eyes clouded with sleep, and then pulled himself off Hyde as gently as possible.

"…Tetsu…" He mouthed.

Tetsu smiled, the usual melancholy gracing his lips even through the upward curve. Yuki got off the sofa and gestured towards the door.

Ken nodded, and Sakura followed suit.

Light flooded in as the three walked out, and then the door shut, shutting out the last trace of it in the process.

*** (there's a night light in Hyde's bedroom.)

Blur.

Blur….

It wasn't darkness anymore. He… he was finally seeing something…!!

Yet as soon as he blinked again, the lights went out… No, it was his eyes. His eyes would not work no matter what…. He tried to look, but saw nothing.

"He's awake," A voice said. It was Sera; Sera was back.

"Sera," He called, stretching both of his hands out. "You're back…?"

A pair of hands touched his in return; they were warm and gentle. Something was different, even though he couldn't quite place his finger on what… It didn't feel like Sera.

"……Has Sakura gone back…?"

"No, he's waiting outside," That voice replied from a far corner; he wasn't holding Sera's hands.

"Who…. ..who is this?!" He demanded, suddenly letting go. "…Sera!?"

"It's Tetsu, Hyde. He's here." That voice seemed so cold… "I'm going out."

"…Te…Tetsu…? Is it really you?!" His hands groped for those gentle fingers again, and they grasped his wrists. Relaxed, he allowed his fingers to trail backwards, up to those arms, those shoulders….

Yes… He was right. Those shoulders quivered under his touch, so familiarly that he thought his mind was going to burst from the memories that came flooding into it.

"…..Tetsu…!" His voice cracked. There were so many things to say, so many things that he wanted to say…. "Finally….. I can tell you…."

"…Hyde," Tetsu sounded as if he was near tears as well. It made Hyde's fingers grip tighter; he was so afraid that Tetsu was going to dissipate and leave him alone to grope in darkness again… …

"I….. I'm sorry, Tetsu… I'm really really sorry…." He took a deep breath. It spread throughout his being, radiating warmth, "I… I love you. I always did, Tetsu… Stay with me… Please?"

"…Hyde. I…. ."

"Please, Tetsu, please…" He was crying. He knew he was; even though he couldn't see. His cheeks were wet, and his face was hot. Shamefully, he buried his face into Tetsu's chest, knowing that he would never be able to stand being alone again, as long as he could cry like this.. …for once…. .. "…Please….."

Like that, the two of them stayed for a moment, unmoving. Tetsu's arms never wrapped around Hyde, but he didn't notice it. He only knew that Tetsu was there, and that everything was going to be fine…

As long as they remained like this…

Then Tetsu broke the choked silence.

"…Hyde."

His voice had been so clear and piercing, Hyde wondered if Tetsu knew how easily it sliced through his heart. Suddenly he felt scared. "Te…Tetsu…?"

"…..I …I can't."

"…….why.…?" …He didn't want to know the answer.

"…kimi ga… usotsuki." There was a slight trace of smile inside Tetsu's tone.

"I…I'm not… Tetsu…!"

He could have easily been shattered by Tetsu's words this time. "….You are. You're trying to hurt me. I'll never believe you again, Miss Hyde, leader of Kokuryu."

"…….I…"

Suddenly he felt claustrophobic, as if everything was an asylum which he had been trapped in. From the past, till even then… "…I hate you, Hyde. …I hate you…."

"…….I…I…. .." He cried. For the first time, he truly cried; he thought he was going to die. That something which had been propping him all along, supporting him even though his world was submerged in a darkness where he could no longer tell if anything existed other than voices in his head at all… That something was shattered.

It was called "hope".

…And it was shattered. "….Tetsu."

Those familiar hands pushed his aside, until he touched nothing but emptiness. ".….You said you loved me. So..?"

"…..Tetsu…!"

"You said you loved me." He didn't see the melancholy which shone in Tetsu's cruel words. "Would you shed your blood for me?"

"……. .." He sat limply on the soft mattress.

"…So?" He couldn't see those lips that curled in irony.

He lifted his head, even though he didn't know where exactly Tetsu was… Every sound seemed to come from so far away that he could no longer differentiate, even if it was only silence. "…..If you'll hand me the knife."

He heard a banging of drawers, and then something touched his fingertips. It was a cool surface of wood; trailing up it he could feel a small but sharp blade. It couldn't have been used to slice anything but fruit peel, Hyde thought ironically, a smile gracing his lips as he remembered the care that Sera had taken to feed him apple cubes.

Then he pressed it against his chest. It felt so comforting, he didn't feel it as it dug gently into his skin, drawing a thin line of pain along with its tip.

"…..You said you loved me."

"…I love you, Tetsu." If only the pain which engulfed him would flood the entire earth….

The blade drew farther and deeper in, until he thought he was going to be ripped apart when he pulled it out. He thought he heard a faint gasp; but if he did he couldn't be sure if it came from him. He dragged another stroke against himself, harder, harder, again and again until he was falling apart; letting himself spill out….. Mercilessly… ..

Why wasn't he dead yet…?!

He should have been….

"….Hyde…. Hyde!!!"

The voice that sounded registered softly at first, then gradually it rang aloud in his ears.

"….I love you." He smiled.

—And then he pulled it against his wrist.… .. .

…It was overflowing.

He lifted it against his lips, and felt the thick liquid trail over his tongue. So sweet… So sweet.. ..Yet so painful that it numbed… …

…It tasted like….

..like……. .. .. .

"Hyde.. .. .." That voice faded away.

***

Slender hands covered the gasp that escaped from his lips.

"Hyde… Hyde!!" everything seemed like it came from far away, even his own voice. "…Hyde…!"

Hyde didn't stop, as his melancholic smile stabbed at his heart, "I love you."

Then Hyde pulled the blade across his wrist, as if it was actually what he wanted.. …

"…Hyde…!!" He shut his eyes tightly, and the voice that came out from him wasn't his own. Even his body no longer belonged to him; he wanted to dash ahead to hold Hyde tightly and somehow heal him, but his limbs were laden with an invisible weight.

In a sudden motion, the door which had closed earlier burst open, and Sakura dashed in, yelling Hyde's name. When he turned, he saw everyone else's face contorted in horror; Ken followed Sakura and pressed the emergency button while Sakura looked for ways to stop Hyde's bleeding. Sera—since when had he left the room, Tetsu didn't know—he slumped against the doorway as if every bone in him was shattered.

…And Yuki….

His face was wet.

…Like his own. ……Like his own? A finger that didn't seem like his trailed towards his cheeks, to discover that they were damp.

He didn't even know if he was in reality when nurses and a doctor came rushing in, to wheel Hyde's bed away in a flurry. He ran along with Sakura and Ken, propelled by something so alien to himself.

When the last glimpse of that raven hair was gone and faded into the ailing yellow light of the emergency sign, he realized that something was howling in his ears. He couldn't hear anything, anything at all.

"You hurt him again," Ken's accusation flowed in with that ghastly wail that came from nowhere. It was so loud that he almost couldn't hear whatever Ken was trying to convey, even though rough fingers gripped his collar so tightly that it choked him.

"Ken." Sakura called from aside.

A blow hit him hard on his wet cheek. Then impact burst onto his chest; his ribs were about to crack. Then Ken withdrew his fist and let go of him, with a last degrading glance that made him get caught in the spiral of memories again….. ..

He buried his face into his hands, and, finally that howl had flooded over everything.. … .

Until he had gotten saved by an angel.

…..It was the first time that he felt like a human being.

It was the first time that he knew what it was like to be treated as one.

…..Even though gradually it mutated….

…. . .. … …. … .. … .

Strong arms wrapped around his shaking shoulders, and his eyes slid close. The howling had faded; what replaced it was an empty void…

"Aishita…"

He allowed himself to cry into that warm embrace.

***

Tetsu had dozed off for a little while before he woke up again, in Yuki's arms. The nurses had moved Hyde's room to another, with a brighter atmosphere—not that it helped Hyde any—and they were taking quite a long time. Ken hoped that if they were going to transfuse blood, they would not need any special type of blood.

"Daijyoubu?" Sakura asked everyone, with a big smile on his face in hopes of lightening the atmosphere. Instead, the overly-cheerful voice sounded stupidly excessive to him.

"Un," Ken replied. "He's not going to die so easily."

Sera shook his head, smiling cynically.

"…..Daijyoubu da." Yuki murmured. Tetsu lay still onto his chest, his eyes shut tightly.

"……." A tear rolled down again. Then, more came falling, like a storm in summer.

***

This time, the five of them sat inside the room—Sakura, Ken, Sera, Yuki, Tetsu… With Hyde lying unconscious on the bed.

Silence.

"…Finally," Sera whispered, glancing into Tetsu's face. "….what do you say…Tetsu….?"

"…I don't know."

"…..Even now?"

"……." Tetsu closed his eyes, propping his forehead with a frail hand. "…I…."

"….So, now you know." Sera smirked, it wasn't a gloating smirk. "You knew all along."

"…I don't," Tetsu murmured. None of them glanced at Hyde; instead everyone's gaze were fixated on Tetsu. "…..I thought…. I thought…."

His voice trailed off, and then his lower lips quivered gently. Like a leaf in the wind, he began to shake, and then tears flooded his eyes. Sera shook his head, that smirk long gone; in its place was a solemn face. "…Hyde'll need time to recover."

"….." In silence, Tetsu nodded, even though those tears still lingered in his eyes. His fingers twined around each other, leaving no room for movement; if he brushed the tears away, he might simply fall into pieces.

"I don't mean his wounds," Sera said, his gaze fixed on Tetsu. "….You know what you should do, Tetsu, and we don't want to tell you…. ..even though…"

He trailed off. Again the grains of silence flooded into the hourglass, as Sera sat unmoving.

Then, in a rustle of his knee-length jacket, he strode towards the guilty figure of Tetsu whose gaze fell onto Hyde's features. A slap that sounded like a stone shattering glass in midnight; then he stepped back slowly, balling his open palm into a fist.

"….I don't ever want to see you again," He whispered.

He brushed by them all like the wind.

And when the door slammed shut, he was gone.

Ken, who had stared into Tetsu's expressionless face all along, finally stood up. "If you don't understand, Tetsu… None of us will ever do. Kill Hyde if you like, Tetsu…"

Tetsu's breathing stopped, while Ken inhaled sharply, his chest heaving heavily as if he was asthmatic; it seemed like his tall form was about to collapse.

"…He can't live without you anyway."

Then he left too; the door was open. They could hear his footsteps, now in a flurry, sounding in the corridor.

The wind turned into a turbulence; Tetsu's shoulders shook even further and his entire being crumpled. He curled into a fetal ball on the sofa, burying his face into his knees as sobs racked his body.

The room's walls stood upright still, but it seemed that in that moment, everything had caved in….

Sakura stole a glance at Yuki, who seemed so frail in this tempest. Still, even though his cheeks were damp, even though his body looked as if it was about to collapse, he strode towards that torn figure, his arms stretched wide. In a swift moment, they wrapped around those shaking shoulders.

There was no comforting words; just silence.

Watching the two sparrows who had been through so many days of thunderstorm and blizzard, a strange light suddenly filled Sakura's heart.

……….It remained like this; the world spiraled around this unfading barricade amidst that howling gale.

***

The rainbow after the storm never surfaced. Little dewdrops continued to cushion Tetsu's face, as he stared blankly into Hyde's.

He tucked the blanket under Hyde's chin, his hands shaking profusely. He was still afraid; he didn't know how to feel other than be afraid after all that had happened.

"Tetsu…."

That white hand grasped his; long fingers sliding around his own comfortably.

"….Are you here…? Tetsu….. ." That voice was about to break. It seemed that Hyde was afraid as well, as scared as he was…

"…Un…" That was all his choked throat could barely utter. "….Un."

A smile broke out onto Hyde's lips, and in that instant, the storm was forgotten with the blooming of summer flowers. "…I knew you'd be here…."

An impulse came over him, as the tears ran down again; it was a refreshing drizzle. His arms wrapped around Hyde's body, and in that precise moment, Hyde let out a whimper.

"…i…itami ga…" He sputtered.

"….Hontou na baka…" Tetsu murmured, his lips blooming into a smile, as his fingers tilted Hyde's chin.

"…..If you'll just forgive me… Tetsu…." The raven-haired angel begged, tears shining in his unseeing eyes, "….I… I'm sorry."

"Hyde."

"….We'll move back into the old house, okay…? And…. And we'll forget about Kokuryu."

"…You… You can't…"

He laughed, ironically. "I can't rule like this anyway."

"……… …" Tetsu closed his eyes gently, as he allowed warm arms to wrap around his shoulders. Soft lips pressed against his own, forcing tears to come down even farther… "…Then…Let's go."

"We'll forget about everything else, Tetsu…."

"…un…"

***

"…You're moving back…?"

"When Hyde is okay, we're moving back." Tetsu told him, his eyes twinkling cheerily even though they still shone of something deeper than sadness…

Sera nodded, taking a glance at the office around.

"He says that Kokuryu is yours… And that he's sorry to hand over such a mess," Tetsu laughed.

"….Baka naa."

"I told him that yesterday."

"Really?"

Both of them smiled, and Sera turned around to offer Tetsu a glass of wine, which the latter accepted graciously. During his short acquaintance with Tetsu, he had never seen him smile like this…

When he smiled, it seemed like a pure white lily in bloom.

…And suddenly he understood why Hyde loved him so much.

"….I'll be a better ruler than he was."

"…I'm sure." And Tetsu had been sincere.

***

The cigarette still hung from Ken's lips; this time his face was unreadable. "Mori, thank you for taking care of all this…."

"It's my duty, sir." The middle aged man replied with a certain hint of pride.

"Do you still pledge your faith to Tsubomi?"

"I've sworn, sir, and I'll be faithful to Tsubomi forever."

"…Then…" Ken smirked, puffing out the last trace of smoke from his mouth as he snuffed out the cigarette, "Tell me something."

"…..Yes, sir."

"Why did you shoot Hyde when I was around? I saw your subordinate, Mori."

Sweat poured down Mori's forehead, as the man stared at Ken blankly. "……It wasn't under my instructions."

"Sou ka." Ken murmured, pulling out a document, "Then how do you explain this?!"

"….It's true." He chuckled nervously. "…It's true."

"I'm glad they warned me, Mori… I do not tolerate to have a spy in my own clan against Kokuryu either."

Silence.

"Didn't you swear your faith to Tsubomi, Mori…?"

"…I did, sir."

Strong hands wrapped around that neatly-pressed collar; the man seemed to have difficulty breathing, and Ken had no intention of letting go.

"………"

"My most trusted man is from the police." Ken said acidly, directed more at himself than to anyone else. "…You're here to arrest me? To see to my downfall?"

"No, sir! I…I'm here to capture Miss Hyde." He added, for safety's measure, "The leader of Kokuryu."

"…Hyde..?" He burst into laughter; laughter which pierced through the air like daggers. "….You're here to capture that pathetic guy? …..I'll show you where he is, Mori… And you can see if it's against your conscience to arrest him. Just like how it is to worm your way into my trust since the beginning."

"….The world is like this, sir…."

"Yes, the world is like this." He let go, smiling bitterly. "So if you arrest him, I'll shoot you. Mercilessly."

***

The transmitter clicked, and voice sounded through it; a male voice, hoarse yet sweet. "Hello… Who is that?"

"Good day, this is Ken." The bearded man said through the transmitter, and the gate opened. It seemed to be automatic. They walked in to be embraced by the sight of green gardens and a dry pond over by the side against tall walls. Mori's small eyes were unblinking; he set his gaze carefully against everywhere and everything.

A slight man stood by the house's door; if one didn't look carefully, he would have been mistaken for a beautiful lady. His lips were twisted in a grim smile, and his eyes seemed to take in every single ray of light and reflected them in their vastness.

"Ken," He greeted; he was obviously the person who had replied just now. "….And this is…?"

"Mori. And Mori, this is Tetsu."

"How do you do, Tetsu." He bowed his head politely.

With a friendly smile, Tetsu returned this gesture.

"Miss Hyde knows him," Ken stated helpfully.

"…I wouldn't know…" He replied, sounding somewhat awkward. Then he brightened, in hopes of lightening the atmosphere, "Have you come to look for Hyde?"

"Yeah, is he around?" He knew that it was a stupid question.

"…He's… Sleeping," Tetsu shook his head. "He took his medicine and fell asleep."

"Sou ka…."

"If you don't mind coming back at dawn, he'll be awake by then," Tetsu suddenly piped up; on his face was pure sincerity.

"…Has his sight gotten any better…?"

"The last time we went to the doctor, he said that it might be due to temporary shock and doesn't have anything to do with his nervous system… I don't know," Tetsu sighed. "I sure hope it's this way. Hyde refuses to do anymore checkup."

"Can he see…?"

Tetsu nodded. "Somehow… He seems to be able to see a bit at times."

"Then, he'll surely heal," Ken smiled. "I mean, this is Hyde that we're talking about."

"….un…." Tetsu looked like he was about to cry. He took a deep breath, and suddenly pushed the door open. "Please come in to have a seat…?"

"Then, I'll be rude." Ken stepped in; there was a risen platform which differentiated the interior of the house from the doorway.

"Please come in too, Mori," Tetsu invited, and the man hesitantly stepped in with an appreciative 'thank you'.

They removed their shoes at the platform, and walked across the marble floor towards the wooden table where Tetsu invited them to sit around.

With a familiar rustle of the skirt of the black dress which Tetsu wore, he disappeared into the kitchen, and within a few minutes, returned with a tray of lemonade and dorayaki.

"Sorry there isn't anything else," He apologized bashfully. "I haven't bought any snacks for ages; all we have are food that's meant for cooking."

"It's okay," Ken reassured, and took a sip. With an eyebrow raised, he questioned, "Did you make this?"

"Why.. Is it really bad?" He seemed anxious.

"No, it's great." He grinned, and took yet another sip. "Sour to the right extent, with the right amount of sugar and a little trace of bitterness."

"….Thank you."

"You're welcome." He wondered what would Tetsu's reaction be like if he had told him that it tasted like love.

"……How are things over at Sera's side…?" Suddenly, Tetsu asked, genuine concern sparkling in those eyes.

Ken took a dorayaki, "He's running it pretty well, and I think he'll do even better than Miss Hyde did."

"…Really…." Tetsu laughed.

"Eh?" He blinked.

"….Hyde isn't suitable for such things." He said, a hint of sadness surfacing in that voice. He cleared his throat, and resumed that gentle smile. "I'm glad things are okay now."

Ken nodded thoughtfully, and finished the dorayaki tentatively; God knew how many a dorayaki had he in ten years, being the leader of Tsubomi. "….Oh yes, Tetsu….."

"Eh?"

"I brought something for you and Miss Hyde."

"Oh…Really you shouldn't…."

"No, it's okay," Ken said, pulling the paper bag which he'd been holding all along into view. "It's a small token…"

"….Really…… Thank you."

As he smiled, Ken thought of the one reason why he knew that Hyde would heal—no one could possibly live in such a world without a gentility like this once he knew of it.

***

"The leaders of Kokuryu have changed," Mori noted.

"They have, only recently. Are you about to arrest Sera as well? He's but a boy out to do no harm."

"….No."

Ken smirked, "so that I wouldn't have to shoot you? I do know that Sera will gladly take Hyde's place in prison."

"I'd like to see him, sir."

"To arrest him?"

"…No I'm just curious," On Mori's face was a true expression, and Ken knew what he meant.

"….Then, we'll be heading towards the Kokuryu office."

***

Hyde traced his way carefully down the staircase, his fingers groping along the banister as each step was carefully placed. "…Tetsu!"

"…nnn…?" A voice sounded from downstairs; it came hurrying towards him.

Suddenly, light shone into his dark world, and he thought he saw Tetsu's figure from above. The staircase wavered in that sight, and with he rolled down the last few flight of steps with a loud thump. Agonizingly rubbing at his sore waist, he climbed up, momentarily gaining his balance because of that sight, "…aa...itai…"

"…..Hyde, are you okay?" That caring face reflected in his view, and he smiled to reassure that he was fine. "eh… Can you see now…?"

Tetsu must have asked because his gaze was fixed on him, Hyde realized. His voice came out fetal and scared, "…I…saw something just now. But… It's gone now."

"……Then don't come down the stairs like that, baka Hyde." Tetsu scolded, his long fingers running through Hyde's black mane. "And your hair's in a mess."

He nodded obediently as Tetsu made him sit down and retrieved a comb to run it through his hair. He realized that he was indeed seeing; he was indeed looking at things… The same walls, the same painting, the same flowers in the same vase…. .. He shook.

"What's the matter…?"

"….Nothing……." Hyde murmured as a wave of nostalgia flooded through him.

If I pretend to be able to see nothing, he'll stay, He told himself, Tetsu'll stay…

"It's fine, Hyde… I'm here, okay?" Tetsu's arms wrapped around him, calming him down. "…I'm here…No matter what."

"No matter what….?"

"Un." He could feel Tetsu's head rested between his shoulder blades; it was a gentle feeling, as if everything fitted right in. "I'll be here…."

"Nee… Tetsu…?"

"..n?" That voice came out more as a murmur than a whisper; Hyde wished that it would stay like this forever……

"Even if… I'm healed…?"

"Idiot!" Tetsu scolded, "I'll be here always."

"……." Tears flooded his eyes; maybe that was why everything was so blurry even though he could see… as his own fingers traced in search of Tetsu's, twining them together. "I love you, Tetsu."

"….I love you, too…."

They remained like this for a little while, until Tetsu suddenly jerked away, "Oh, Hyde, Ken came and left something for you."

"Ken?" Hyde couldn't help keeping the doubt from his tone. "….I thought…."

"He's sincere, Hyde," Tetsu reprimanded. "Let's take a look at what he left."

"…..Un."

They sat around a brown package—Hyde thought it looked like a brown package; his eyesight was still wavering. Maybe if he kept quiet about it for a longer time, it would recover, and one day…. He would be able to see Tetsu properly again, and they would be together forever… ..

From there, Tetsu pulled out some things.

"Snacks, Hyde," He sounded amused. "Lots of food… And some medicine. ….And…Here's a paper…"

He peered at it.

"It's a cheque of six hundred million yen," He declared. "…He's generous."

"….If only he knew how much I have in the bank…" Hyde laughed. "No amount of money is going to help any, Tetsu."

"It would be great if I got a new dress, for one," Tetsu joked. "I want a pink jacket, too."

"Then… We'll go shopping for it when I heal," Hyde promised, staring intently into Tetsu's face. "…Totally heal. And then I can see you in that dress, and that pink jacket…"

"…….Hyde…?"

"nnn…?"

"…You can see," Tetsu sounded amazed. "You're looking at me."

He laughed…. "…Not really, Tetsu… Not really."

"Really? Then I'll feed you more fugu," Tetsu threatened.

"Aaahhhhhh, noooo!" He giggled. "…Fine, I can see. But.. Not very well…."

"Iya na…" Tetsu sighed.

"nnn…"

"Yes…?"

"Are you going to leave me when I can see…Tetsu….?"

"Baka! If you say that one more time I'm going to leave you."

"…….Aishiteite…."

"……….boku mo, baka wo aishiteiru yo."

"…..hey."

"What?"

"Baka jyanai yo…"

Tetsu laughed. "Then, an ahou. Who asked you to keep thinking that I'll leave."

"All right! I won't ask again!" Hyde gasped, mock-innocently.

"Then good. I'm going to make you eat more fugu."

"…iyaaaada…."

***

"Still haven't dropped the habit of uninvited calls, Ken?" Sera's dry joke made Ken chuckle. "I hope you've not fallen in love with me as well."

"It would be a pleasure to fall in love with you since you're comparable to Miss Hyde, Miss Sera."

"Yes, yes." He replied sarcastically, not without a trace of good humor. "Would you like to come in? I happen to be rather free now."

"Free?" Ken stepped in, an eyebrow raised.

Sera grinned, shrugging. Then it was his turn to be surprised when he saw someone lurking behind the door. "Who is that?"

"…Mori. My trusted subordinate."

"If he'd like to come in…."

"Do come in, Mori," Ken pulled the door open wider. "Sera's harmless."

The new leader of Kokuryu had to laugh at that, "….No, I'm a vampire."

"You're in a good mood today, I see," Ken remarked.

"Things have been running smoothly," Sera noted. "You should have come before I revamped the system."

"Oh…"

"Hyde's system had been too centralized and I have no idea how he coped with all those documents himself… …" Sera trailed off, looking thoughtful. Then he laughed, "There had to be ways to minimize corruption, so I stuck three people in a same position."

"It's still possible…. Besides, aren't they unhappy…?"

"The previous ones are. But….. It's okay. Not enough to cause any disruptions… and the pay is higher now so they can't complain." Sera shrugged. "Now I have a whole bunch of cash in the bank without me knowing what to do with it."

"…Aren't you going to move out of that…dump?"

"Nah. Sakura's going to kill me if I'm ever going to move. Without them at least."

"You're living with them…?" Ken seemed surprised.

He laughed. "Since the beginning of it… For me."

"…I see…"

"How has the fax regarding coppers among us…?"

"I've seen through it," Ken stated, "And dealt with them all individually."

Sera nodded, rolling his bright eyes over to Mori. "…I see. I don't mind being arrested, actually."

"….." Ken grinned. "What do you say, Mori?"

"I would have to retire soon, sir." The middle aged man replied, a resigned smile on his face.

"I'll make sure you have all the privileges of an old man when you do retire."

"Thank you sir. Remember to include a beard in that package."

They chuckled at this.

*** (heh, I wish it's like this in reality …)

A beautifully radiant day that outshone and belittled everything, everyone included. Two men were talking across the street as they strode across the street, in rather low tones.

"….I swear, I hate that manager." The raven haired man who declared it glumly was strong, pale and wore black all over.

"You can't help it, it's going to be a busy day. I mean, it's nearing the peak time…." The other was a skinny blonde kid with short, cropped hair.

"But he's such a scrooge! I haven't had a proper day off for years."

The boy chuckled, "You haven't worked for so long, Sakusakupandachan."

"Hey…." He sounded annoyed. "And don't call me that stupid name."

"Huhuhu," He chuckled again. "You forget yourself!"

"Well, no one counts how many years they have been working, okay?" Sakura huffed mock indignantly.

"Yes, Sakusakupandachan."

"Stop it!" He was in a shade of red by the time they crossed the road.

"It was nice to know that confectioneries love you, Sakusakupandachan."

"……."

"Are you angry, Sakusakupandachan?" It seemed impossible to stop once the name-calling started; Yuki knew how ridiculous it seemed to Sakura.

"Skinny banana!" He grinned when he saw that it had an obvious effect on Yuki.

"Ge, stop that, people are staring." He murmured.

Sakura laughed, now satisfied. "Hey, Yuki."

"….?"

"…..I met an old friend of mine yesterday."

"Really? That's nice…. Oh…" Yuki suddenly remembered something. "…Who is the guy in the photograph in your drawer…?"

"…Drawer?"

"….Back in the other place…."

"…I met him yesterday," Sakura smiled.

"That's great!"

"Why?"

"….It is," Yuki grinned. "He must have been your good friend for you to keep the photo there…."

"He was," Sakura sighed. "But I didn't keep the photo for that reason."

"…..Then…….?"

"I drove him away," Sakura stated simply; it must have been a horrible memory for anyone who was as outspoken as Sakura was, and Yuki decided to not probe anymore.

"….So, how many more hours do we have to walk on…?"

"I have no idea," Sakura sighed. "I wish Sera was here."

"….I don't think it's fair to force him to come…."

"Okay, just how important pachinko is to him, I don't understand." Sakura sighed. "It's not like all three of us are going to have the time anywhere later, and I want to sleep."

"I want to play poker while eating Saku Saku Panda biscuits."

"……" He turned a bright shade of red and decided to ignore idiotic talk.

"…The route is so long… Where do they actually live?!"

"I don't know," Sakura grinned when Yuki glared at him.

"What?! And we've been walking…."

"We're going to reach there soon I guess. I mean, they said that it's not far from the train station…."

"….I hate it when this happens. But… Well." He said resignedly, "I think they ought to live in this place anyway…. They're such obvious figures in the city."

"I really hope that Tetsu is fine now…."

"Un," Yuki nodded, a serene smile on his face. "I hope that Hyde's okay too."

"Seems like…. They really loved each other."

"They do," Yuki laughed.

"Even though he has been hurt so much, he can still heal…. .."

"No, it is because he has been hurt so much that he knows what is healing," Yuki said, a smile lighting up his face. "…He's strong."

"You're stronger, Yuki," Sakura told him, grinning when he saw him blush.

"…Me?" He looked incredulous that someone should say such a thing.

"Yeah," Sakura propped an arm around his shoulder; it was nice how the smaller boy fitted so comfortably under his arm. "…I think, that is."

"…Why?"

"……Because…" He wanted to laugh at Yuki's expression, "Because."

"Hen! Tell me!" Yuki hit him lightly, extracting a chuckle from him.

"…Himitsu dayo!"

"…Baka!"

"…Yare yare…"

"Nandayo!"

"…Yaaaaatta….." He stuck a tongue out at his mock indignant expression. "And you look like a banana in yellow, Yuki."

"Nande?!!" He burst into a bright shade of red, and gradually into cheerful laughter. "You're still Sakura!"

"I'll always be Sakura, Yuki." And he meant it; he would always be.
__________________________________________________________________________________________

Thursday, February 15, 2001 7:11:37 AM

Notes: bleh… Finally I finished this darned thing. >_< I hate it… *cries* why did it turn out this way?! *kicks self* I should go commit suicide and self-destruct…. The part one and two's grammar sucks butt as well.. … *sigh* At least it's finished so I can work on my own stuff…. Anyway, this is a part of the goodbye to you. If you care. *shrugs*

I intended to correct part one and two, but I guess I cant be bothered… Maybe I'll do it someday. Heck. I hate this fic….. If only last year hadn't been so weird. Not like this year is gunna improve. At least I'll be bored this year, and that's a start. *wails* tabetai dorayaki ga doko ni ureru… *cries*

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